Thanda Safari reminds you how unique Africa is

Call it the petrolhead in me, but while David, our guide, was telling Bheki, our spotter, that he should be learning to speak leopard to find the leopards, I couldn’t help but wonder what animals would think about electric game-viewer vehicles in a few years’ time.

Let’s be honest, those V8 Land Cruisers are about as subtle as a sledgehammer as they dig through the African sand and bush looking for sightings. I could just see the smirk on the black rhino’s face as us passengers were trying to be as quiet as possible with the V8 rumbling in the background – and also wondering what the fuel consumption at R20-plus per litre was doing to Thanda’s occupancy rate.

Not that I reckon he needed to be concerned. Thanda Safari, a private game reserve in northern KwaZulu-Natal is not your average safari experience.

It’s quite clear they take two things very seriously: opulence and game viewing.

Let’s start with the latter.

The challenge was simple. The kids had never really seen the Big Five, which is ironic given the amount of cash they spend and the number of big fives that have physically passed through their hands over the years.

But we set the challenge for David, our trusty guide, and he seemed rather nonchalant that this was not a big ask.

Bheki, who picked us up from the parking area and drove us to the lodge, on the other hand, could not believe his eyes when at midday in our path were two rhinos shooting the breeze.

We never saw those two again, and Bheki chuckled as he mentioned that dollar-paying previous-week guests had prayed on rhinos for days, and here they were, with no consideration for the overseas elite who left empty binoculared.

That set the tone for the next 36 hours. Be warned, the default setting for game drives is on, not off. This means you get a wake-up call at 6am for the morning sojourn, and there’s a 3.30pm afternoon trek to ensure you get your money’s worth.

Both outings are about three hours long, or in the case of David who gets leopard-possessed, into the evening because he suspects the felines are on the other end of the camp. That could mean a quick (read 45 minutes) traipse to settle a hunch. Bheki lives for those moments, especially in winter.

But the guides are what make these adventures exactly that.

And the chemistry between young whipper-snapper David and been in-the-business for three decades Bheki had me chuckling a little.

Especially as Bheki is the only one who knows most of the routes.

“Bheki-glasses”, as David referred to him, got the seat at the head of table, far left corner of the bonnet on a welded-on chair, strapped in daily with single-eye binoculars, and a sixth sense for seeing pink-throated twin-spotters from miles away – which he pointed out are unique to the area and have twitchers from foreign lands coming just to spot.

Between Bheki and David, there was plenty of poo spotting, footprint checking and heading to places like Baobab Corner and Windy Hollow, with tales aplenty like how hyena poo, thanks to the calcium in the bones they eat, were used by local tribes generations ago to paint; and David telling us how they once had to use the seat belts in the Cruiser to tow a vehicle out of the mud.

But I was also quite interested in rhino conservation, as the many-thousand-acre plot which Thanda enjoys, I would imagine, could be poacher-heaven.

And that’s when I learnt something interesting.

Thanda trims the horns on these precious animals, taking away the interest of poachers.

I didn’t realise this, but the horns are like our fingernails: they grow back.

Not ideal for the rhinos, I would imagine, as the horns are critical for their daily grind, but it does remove the spotlight and keep them safer, a small price to pay.

It also got me thinking, electric vehicles aside, of how tech could make the guides’ lives easier.

I suggested tracking devices but that would take the sport away.

Drones? Apparently these scare the bejesus out of the animals.

I mentioned that they feed the animals, but that gets us back to the tracking device argument and authenticity.

So, hats off to Thanda. They keep it real and authentic, even though it means David is generally humming a prayer to the gamespotting gods, or trying his luck through his phone app at animal and bird calls.

To be fair, he is quite good at it and would listen to a call before mimicking it perfectly. Believe it or not, he actually got a black rhino to walk towards us when hearing the call.

While on the subject of black rhinos. These are magnificent creatures to look at, but also with stomachs of stainless steel.

Bheki was saying they happily chew on something called spinyapple seeds, or mal-pitte, which as the Afrikaans implies are known for one seed getting you high and a few too many being lethal. These black rhino chew on them like they’re Cadburys.

Driving down the truck-infested N2 (don’t get me started) to Thanda and seeing boards like Pongola along the way, also got me wondering about tribes back in the day.

As a kid, I was a huge fan of the Shaka Zulu mini series on SABC. I was fascinated by the short-spear techniques and how the tribe had conquered many lands.

So, naturally, I had to ask Bheki, of local Zulu origin, the question, and to my delight he confirmed that many relics and artefacts, such as spears from the Shaka era, had been found on the property.

ALSO READ: Data shows that South Africans still prefer Mauritius

To put Thanda as a lodge into perspective, this was the property where a certain princess of Monaco chose to spend six months during Covid.

Fair enough, she was in the private R100 000-a-night villa overlooking the property, but the luxury threads through the rest of the property like a hot knife through butter.

I like that all meals, including teas, are included, along with all local drinks and spirits.

The rooms are beyond special, with our chalet bigger than most average homes and including a private pool, outside fire pit and a boma overlooking the reserve, replete with an oval day bed which had my bookworm daughter enamoured.

The food is, as you would expect, Michelin chef quality, allowing me to regale the teenagers with what tempura means, why they should avoid anything that says tartare, and how Cornish isn’t always chicken.

What was nice, too, was the chef doing a fancy version of a lamb chop curry, which I mentioned on the reservation form as a favourite, and home-made ice cream with unusual flavours.

Thanda is properly global in its approach to hospitality, which also means little touches like nougat and folklore sayings on your pillows at night, immaculate outside showers and old-school baths; fluffy gowns and towels you could fall asleep in, and my son’s favourite, the hot towels as a welcome back after every safari.

To take it over the top, the elephants pop by to have a drink from the ponds outside the main reception area, and are also known to offer pool care services for your private room when you’re not looking, much to the bemusement of the management, I would imagine.

You also get to see a variety of deer daily strolling around as you walk to your room.

At night you get eagle-eyed Sipho as a guide, as the hyenas and other Lion King-type predators would happily have a nibble on you should you stumble over one in the dark.

Sipho, to be honest, should check his job description more closely. I’m sure there’s a leopard or two with him on the menu.

Did we get to see the Big Five? Almost.

The leopards were dastardly and it seems their dance cards were filled by previous rotations.

They were seen one night after we were dropped off, but that aside we ogled the other four, much to the relief of Bheki and David.

Thanda Safari is that once-in-a lifetime luxury lodge you see in the movies and is a place you should spoil yourself and your loved ones with just once.

It reminds you what makes Africa and our flora and fauna so unique, and why we are such a special global destination.

It also reminds you that we really do have everything on our doorstep: the best oceans, mountains, landscapes. We just need to reach out for it more regularly.

Visit www.thandasafari.co.za for more information.

NOW READ: Knowing the story of Vredefort Dome