Beautiful green valley. Picture: Jim Freeman
“What do you think they’re saying to each other?” murmured Rose-mariè from the depths of our bed at the Tsitsikamma Village Inn as a “chorus” of hadeda ibis heralded Sunday morning a fortnight ago. “Probably deciding on whose car to crap,” I responded.
Some things are better left unspoken; the look she later gave me was as foul as the roof and windows of her usually pristine Volkswagen Polo. (I had no such problem, having ensured the sparkling new BMW R1250GS Trophy Edition adventure motorcycle upon which I’d travelled up the N2 freeway from Stellenbosch was sheltered inside the local diner with the owner’s collection of vintage bikes.)
It was the second – and last – of my beloved’s holiday mishaps: the first was missing the turnoff to the delightful Storms River Village and only realising her mistake when she reached the Tsitsikamma Toll Plaza 20-something kilometres further down the road.
“Storms River Village is one of the secrets of the Garden Route,” confided the inn’s executive chef and an avid biker for more than 30 years, Andy White.
“The place is probably better known by foreigners than by South Africans from outside the immediate area.”
I’ve popped in to the place a couple of times after spending a night at the inn (www.tsitsikammavillageinn.co.za) during a motoring event in 2021 and was immediately reminded of another placid Eastern Cape nook, Hogsback in the Amathole Mountains.
Although Storms River’s nearest neighbour of any magnitude is Plettenberg Bay, it is in fact just inside the Eastern Cape; the Bloukrans River forming the barrier between the two provinces. The village is midway (160km) between George and Gqeberha, both of which are served by frequent flights from OR Tambo International Airport.
While Storms River doesn’t get as cold in winter as Hogsback, it certainly compares favourably in terms of annual rainfall… a fact testified by the row of giant bluegums that line the front of the inn (and provide a convenient launching site for the hadedas’ poo barrages).
“It’s hard to say how old these trees are,” said Andy.
“Because of their girth and height – they’re all above 30m – one is tempted to compare them to the yellowwoods in the area that are of comparable size and hundreds of years old.
“Bluegums, however, grow amazingly quickly when there’s lots of water in the ground and truth is this place has only been in operation as a hotel since 1946.”
Andy speculates that the trees were planted by the first owners to suck up excess moisture and prevent damp afflicting nearby rooms.
As its name suggests, the inn nestles within the broader Tsitsikamma forest and the birdlife is wonderful. Particularly appropriate to our rather damp visit were the black-headed orioles that have a distinctly liquid warbling call. Spending a single night at the inn is a travesty, particularly since this suggests a fairly hectic exploration schedule. Yes, there’s a lot to see and do in the area but, said Rose-mariè, she’d love to spend a day reading in the tranquil gardens or next to the pool (sipping bubbly).
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Plenty of TLC has gone into those exquisite gardens, so much so that they contribute greatly to an aura of elegance that far exceeds the inn’s three-star tourism grading rating. Andy says the owners’ premise – they were away on holiday at the time – was to under-promise and over-deliver on visitors’ expectations in terms of their accommodation experience.
I agreed with him that I’d been to many four-star establishments that couldn’t hold a candle to the Tsitsikamma Village Inn as far as cleanliness, hospitality and ambience are concerned. Breakfasts are amazing – just ask my significant other about how quickly the pastry display is denuded each morning – and, all in all, the inn offers ridiculously good value for money.
As Rose-mariè put it, “this place is warm and chilled at the same time”. There’s even a historic pub, the Hunter’s Arms, on the property. This is the oldest building in the village and dates back to the 1880s when Tsitsikamma began flourishing as a playground for big game hunters in search of elephant, buffalo, leopard and just about every species of indigenous buck.
Talking about my significant other’s desire to quaff fizzy at her leisure, one of the least known aspects of the area is that there is an established Plettenberg Bay Wine Route with several estates producing excellent Cap Classique. One of these, Newstead, provided one of the highlights of our explorations… the elegant tasting gardens and restaurant/tea room of which would not be out of place in Constantia or Franschhoek.
Rose-mariè was tempted by the carrot cake (all the cakes, we gather, are made by the owners’ daughters) but happily we settled on a whopping portion of salmon paté served with wafer-thin shards of Melba toast (R95) and paired with the estate’s Pinot Noir Chardonnay rosé.
Life doesn’t get much better. The Tsitsikamma Toll Plaza is, sadly, more of a “Checkpoint Charlie” border crossing between two countries off ill-matched socio-economic development than a facility where motorists fork out R63.50 to the South African National Roads Agency for freeway maintenance each time you pass through. Most of the more genteel wining and dining experiences are on the Western Cape side of this concrete and iron curtain, while sweatier pursuits are enjoyed in the east. If you think there’s a disproportionate percentage of athletic-looking, battle-scarred and shell-shocked people traipsing through the village, you’re probably not mistaken.
This part of the Garden Route is known as one of the adventure tourism hubs of South Africa. People flock here from all over the world to do the world’s highest bungy jump, zipline over deep gorges, yomp the gruelling Otter Trail, quadbike through forests or kayak up the Storms River. Several times a day, you’ll see truckloads of tourists geared up like SWAT team members heading out from the Canopy Tours headquarters for their adrenal pleasures in the boonies.
Of course, the point of putting yourself through purgatory is to reward yourself after the exertions and there’s no place better to do so in Storms River Village (other than in the Hunter’s Arms!) than Marilyn’s 60s Diner. The whimsical eatery has had a long linkage with the hotel, going back to the days of Jan du Rand, former owner of the Tsitsikamma Village Inn (then managed by Protea Hotels) and a lifelong Elvis Presley fan with an impressive collection of 60s memorabilia. Du Rand sold the 49-room inn to current owners Chris Sykes and Irma de Villiers just over a decade ago but held on to the diner for another few years before offering the two newcomers first right of purchase. What better way to replenish lost kilojoules than with a burger, fries and milkshake?
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