Columnists 25.8.2017 04:34 pm

Twitter fams beat the real thing hands down

Tamlyn Patterson

Tamlyn Patterson

There are two kinds of people these days. You’re either a Facebook or Twitter person, period.

Very rarely have I encountered someone who is as enthusiastic about both so there really is only black and white when it comes to social media. The only bit of grey is the individual who will pipe up and say “well, I don’t really do social media”.

After the world went Facebook berserk in 2007, I initially jumped on board but for two years now, I can proudly declare that I am Facebook-free. No more baby shower pics, tooth fairy arrivals, engagement announcements or “share if you agree” posts. Only muting, blocking and unsubscribing. Twitter is a different story though.

The beauty of that little blue bird is the feeling of belonging even if you don’t tweet every five seconds. Twitter “fams” are just the best and there is sure to be a family out there that tickles your fancy. Because let’s face it, like my late dad always used to say apparently, real family is so overrated.

Being the only child isn’t a problem these days. I now have millions of brothers, sisters, moms, dads, cousins, you name it. And the one thing that binds us, that one ultimate common thread? Our undying love for a team that constantly lets us down, bonded by a mutual love thicker than blood. Arsenal playing Stoke away was always going to be iffy.

In typical Gunners fashion, after reinforcing us all with hope following the great escape against Leicester during their season opener, we soon came crashing down to earth and mid-table is as good as it gets right now. The chances of increasing their position on the log aren’t promising with the Reds next up on Sunday. Once new boy Jese had struck for the Potters barely two minutes into halftime, in times of hardship, it’s comforting to know that you’re never alone.

Alexandre Lacazette’s disallowed goal really got Twitter world buzzing but at the end of the day, there are only three unbeaten teams, and the mighty Gunners are already playing catch up. Moving along, there’s nothing like a bit of gossip within these close communities we find ourselves in.

After all the bitching and moaning about Arsene Wenger’s team selection and the alleged hesitation to award penalties to the North Londoners, it was Tiger Woods’ turn to get the tongues wagging (again). Head of the Tiger fam is some nerdy American whose sole purpose in life is to keep his following informed about the wounded beast.

The Tiger spotter, who uses the @TWSpot handle, wouldn’t even cross the hallowed ground of sharing the latest scandal to hit the former world No 1. The photo hack, involving other big names like Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart and now Woods, broke late on Monday night, minutes after Tiger had tweeted a pic of the solar eclipse taken by his daughter Sam.

Well, all hell broke loose when pics of a naked Tiger starting doing the rounds on a site with the name of “Jihad” which claims to publish “explosive celebrity gossip from Islamic extremists”. With ex-girlfriend Lindsay Vonn – whose phone had the pics – in a tizz, as well as the lawyers of all the celebs involved, this “fappening” is bound to detonate soon.

Fappening, according to urbandictionary.com, is the name given to the gigantic booty of sexts and other steamy photos that leaked all over the internet. With his DUI diversion programme looming for first-time offenders, the ball just keeps on rolling when you’re Tiger Woods. So the next time it gets too peoply-out there, find a fam. #TheyRock

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