I killed my son. I had no other choice. This is the unfortunate story of Ellen Pakkies.
She was born without a name, abused from the age of four, kidnapped and gang-raped as a young girl.
Ellen survived all these things, got married, and had three sons. Unbelievably, her biggest tragedy was still to come.
Despite all her tragedies, Ellen was a loving mother and pillar in her community. But, there is only so much a mother can take.
Ellen’s son Abie was born into this abuse.
Ellen said he was a good, happy boy until he started struggling in school.
When Abie was in grade 5 he started smoking dagga and it went downhill from there.
At 14 years old, the harder drugs started, like Tik, and so did the stealing.
Ellen would arrive home from work and find their things stolen, and sold for money for drugs.
Trying the tough love route, Ellen took Abie to the police station multiple times. Unfortunately, they were unable to help. He was under age.
Then the violence started. On many occasions Abie tried to stab his mother. He was broke everything they owned if it wasn’t sellable.
Tik is a dangerous drug, and in Lavender Hills, where they lived, it was an especially big problem.
Ellen called Abie the ‘Tik Monster’ because when he used Tik, he turned into a monster.
Ellen did everything she could, she got medication for him to stop using, and she turned to the courts and social workers, to no avail.
Abie was out of control. One night, Ellen was cooking and Abie wanted money, Ellen refused and Abie started breaking down the door.
The next morning Ellen made Abie some tea and she wanted to have a serious conversation with him.
She saw the rope lying in the room. She took the rope and strangled Abie while praying for forgiveness.
Ellen handed herself over to the police. In court, an advocate approached Ellen and asked to represent her.
She was found guilty of murder and sentenced to 280 community hours. The magistrate instructed Ellen to speak to other mothers in her position.
Ellen loved her son. She did not want to murder him, she just broke, she had had enough.
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