Ramaphosa’s magic cable does not exist

Religious experts have debated the concept of hell for centuries.

If they were married to the lovely Snapdragon, they would have known hell is trying to find a data cable that fits on her video camera.

Video editing is a vital part of Snapdragon’s job, which means she has a very impressive video camera that she connects to her computer to create magic.

This week she tried to edit, but the little cable that connects her camera to her computer was missing. Which is not unusual in the Lotriet residence – we have a small home and far too much stuff.

“Don’t worry, I told her. I’ll find you a new one tomorrow.”

The next morning, I drove to our local China Mall. The owner of a shop where I have managed to find the most wonderful stuff before, looked at the picture of the hole in the camera.

“No, I have never seen a plug that will fit in that hole in my life,” he told me. I went to computer shops, expert camera importers, a company that makes audio visual cables, the South African agents for these cameras… but everywhere the answer was the same: “Sorry, we have no idea.”

After two days, Snapdragon phoned me. Don’t worry, I have made another plan. Eventually the truth surfaced. She didn’t make another plan.

The hole on the picture she sent me, wasn’t for data transmission after all. We still don’t know what its purpose is. But she found the correct connection point and we had loads of cables that fitted.

Two days wasted running after a cable that does not exist… I think the only person who will understand how I felt, is Uncle Cyril.

He has recently promised us a cable that connects the civil service to good service delivery – one that bypasses political interference in state departments.

I think it’s exactly the cable that stole two days out of my life. Uncle Cyril, that cable doesn’t exist. Not as long as cadre deployment is official ANC policy.

The real answer is hidden in plain sight. As soon as experience, merit and qualifications become more important than rewarding the party faithful, everything will fall into place.

But until then, you are doomed to spend too much time speaking to puzzled people. Ask me. I’ve been there.

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