The definition of insecurity is as follows – the anxiety or uncertainty about oneself.
As women, mothers, we tend to be overcome with insecurities. I know this may seem a bold statement, if not an over-simplified generalization… Show me a lady that does not have any insecurities and I will happily eat my words (and apologise). We are emotionally wired. It’s part of our genetic makeup to interpret and process things from a place of emotion.
I was doing some research for this post and came across an article written by Womenio. In this article, it states that these are the 15 most common insecurities that plague us ladies.
- Weight (I think that should be right on top of the list)
- Hair colour
- Eye colour
- Breast size
- Maybe will not call me back
- I guess just wants to sleep with me
- Is he dating other women?
- He is not attracted to me anymore
- Creative Life
- Intelectual life
Let’s start by looking at WHAT makes us insecure?
There are many reasons for why we are insecure, but the downright truth is: we just don’t feel good enough. This can stem from past experiences that have had a lasting negative impact on us, these experiences lead to a low self-esteem. Low self-esteem finds a seat deep within ourselves and runs over into the different aspects mentioned above.
What happens WHEN our insecurities rise?
The old saying, “actions speak louder than words” rings very true when dealing with our own insecurities. Often when we are speaking unkindly about another person, breaking them down and generally just being negative. We are subconsciously projecting our own insecurities on to their “person”. It’s not necessarily them that’s the problem.
You see, it is far easier to break down another person by making ourselves look like the “top dog” than deal with the real reason for why we are insecure. Bringing up those reasons can be painful, therefore we look for the easy way out.
Within relationships, our insecurities hold us hostage and we become people that we don’t recognize. Some of us settle for relationships that are poisonous because we don’t feel like we deserve better.
How do we DEAL with our insecurities
Cut The Cord
This is a very hard choice to make, but sometimes it can be the most rewarding. Remove yourself from toxic relationships where you are drowned by insecurities. We need to surround ourselves with people that lift us up, encourage us and push us to be a better version of ourselves!
Embrace Positive Thinking
This for me is crucial to surviving our insecurities. I believe these negative thoughts can steal so much joy from us. They are like weeds that take over our soul and leave us feeling empty and broken. When those negative thoughts and feelings start to disturb the surface, drive them away, fight them by speaking positively about the situation. Now I’m not saying you should publicly repeat positive phrases to yourself, that would just look odd. However, stop, take a deep breath and YES, begin thinking positively. The more of a habit this becomes the easier it is to believe about ourselves!
Start Appreciating Yourself
Know your worth. Believe in yourself. Remind yourself daily of all your positive attributes. Do things that you love, that make YOU happy. Have your nails done, a new hairdo, go for a walk, anything that reminds you of what a good person you are and makes you feel gorgeous.
Be Mindful Of Your Reactions
If you find yourself in a situation that brings forth those insecurities. Take note of how you react. Make a conscious decision to change your response. This will make you aware of what gives rise to your insecurities and help you consciously change your behavior.
Know The Truth
Know that most people are not aware of your insecurities. They don’t stand in front of you thinking, oh boy this chick is freaking out. Our insecurities are within ourselves. We can choose how to deal with them and overcome them. We just have to take the first step.
Jacqui Bester is firstly a wife, and mom to five rambunctious children who drive her nuts and fill her heart with unspeakable joy all in the space of a single day. She writes about her day to day adventures and misadventures in parenting, life and marriage. Jacqui is known for sharing a brutally honest account of her MESSY “mamahood”… the joy, the fun, the laughter and the tears. She enjoys a good mystery-crime novel with a lovely glass of red wine, trying out new foods and restaurants with her hubby on the odd date-night, exploring new places, learning new skills, and generally anything else that calls for a more adventurous approach to life. You can find her over on One Messy Mama.