Woman breaks silence on her childhood sexual abuse

Generally speaking, a home is a place of safety, warmth and security, where a person is surrounded and protected by loving family.

But one woman recalls not just one, but two houses of horror in the late ’70s and early ’80s, when she was a young girl.

For seven long years, Dirita Fitzsimmons, formerly Rothwell, alleged she was abused by a pastor in Johannesburg at his home, which was near her childhood home.

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“I was sexually abused by him on numerous occasions when I was between the ages of three and 10,” Fitzsimmons told The Citizen.

“My parents used to take me [there] for weekends and it was during these visits that he sexually abused me,” she said.

“He would take me out of my room to the lounge and molest me on the couch while his wife was asleep.”

In her statement to police in southern KwaZulu-Natal, where she now lives, Fitzsimmons gave details of the sexual abuse.

“He [forced me to perform a sex act on him]. On the first occasion, I told him I needed to brush my hair and left the room, only to be brought back until he had satisfied himself.

“[He performed sex acts on me and made me do the same to him] and he told me my parents would reject me if I told them.”

However, it wasn’t only at the pastor’s home that she was being abused, it was happening at her own home too, at the hands of a family member.

“I am not sure when he began abusing me, but my first memory is when he started kissing me when I was five years old,” she said.

“He told me he was teaching me to kiss so that when I was old enough, I would be good at it.”

The “kissing lessons” soon allegedly escalated into full-blown rape which, she said, continued until he got married.

“His wife was aware of the abuse. He used to fetch me to stay at their place and they would watch me bathing. She would let him ‘play’ with me while she was in another room and eventually when I was 15 he had sex with me after he had had sex with her.”

Fitzsimmons alleged the rape carried on regularly until she was nearly 16, when she and her parents moved to Durban.

She is looking for others who have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of people known to them.

And she can be reached via Facebook.

Now a successful entrepreneur, Fitzsimmons said she had waited so long to speak out because she knew breaking her silence would come at a high price as far as her family was concerned.

“I did tell a female family member when I was very little, but I couldn’t pronounce his name properly because obviously I couldn’t speak yet. I had said to her I was scared of the pastor and his ‘bone’, but because I mispronounced his name, she thought I was scared of a chicken bone.”

Fitzsimmons said she tried twice more to alert a family member about what was happening to her when she was 19, but the relative just left the room, and again in September.

“That was when she asked me to please keep it quiet until she was not there any more.”

Her voice cracking with emotion, Fitzsimmons said she had agreed to that, until she learned there was going to be a family reunion at which one of the alleged abusers would be present.

“Then, I snapped, and I couldn’t keep it in any more. It was an extremely hard decision, but I think it is my time now.”

Fitzsimmons said police were initially hesitant to take her statement, but she stood her ground .

Once police officers realised she wasn’t going to go away, the experience improved immeasurably.

The docket, which was opened on Tuesday, is now at Booysens police station and Fitzsimmons is hoping that arrests will take place soon.

– amandaw@citizen.co.za

Signs to look out for:

• According to Childline SA, sexual abuse indicators in children include:
• Difficulty in walking or sitting.
• Torn, stained, bloody clothing.
• Bruises and bleeding in genital area.
• Pain when passing urine.
• Sexually transmitted diseases.
• Psychosomatic problems.
• Bed wetting or soiling.
• Pregnancy.

Behaviour to look out for:

• Unwilling to change for PE class.
• Shy, reserved, fearful, abrupt change in personality.
• Withdrawal, fantasy, infantile behaviour.
• Mutilating behaviour.
• Inappropriate sexual knowledge and seductive behaviour.
• Layers of clothing, double dressing.
• Poor peer relations.
• Learning difficulties.
• Drastic change in appetite.
• Delinquency, runaway, truancy.
• Attempted suicide.