President Jacob Zuma celebrates his 73rd birthday with South African comedian Celeste Ntuli. (Photo: GCIS)
When Celeste Ntuli released the clip just before 2014 national elections, Dr Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma was still the chairperson of the AU Commission based in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
She had not yet officially declared her presidential ambitions. Comedienne Celeste Ntuli, like most pundits at the time, knew Dlamini-Zuma long-term plan was to occupy the party’s top post.
Ntuli features as en erratic campaigner in as speech Dlamini welcoming “homosexuals and hermaphrodites”.
Thenjiwe Morsley, acting as a sign language interpreter, adds a new level of shade to the satire.
Below are some of the “pressing issues” the caricatured Dlamini-Zuma addressed.
“We must say no to Braai Day. We all know that as a country we are too fat – obese, in fact. This includes all the public servants. I am talking policemen, women nurses and those who are our crucial services, including myself as your leader.
“I would like to say to all policemen and women and nurses and all government servants to stop eating magwinyas. As citizens as well we must come together and say no policeman – either traffic cop or SAPS – is going to take a bribe [of] more than R200…
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“Because we know that in this country the state of living is very high and looking at the average man having three or more wives.
“We must stop being fat. Cholesterol is killing us, so Braai Day is not good in our favour because half of our country has gout, arthritis, heart attacks.
“Policemen must run – run after them. Don’t shoot first, run. Even if when the criminal is not running, you must run so you can lose weight.
“Fit and firmness has been replaced by fear and failure and fat. We must say to our brothers, please try and look like Eleka Chukucheku Waijukuja. Six-pack is of utmost importance in a man. We call on our brothers to try and be like them. We must contribute as such.
“When it comes to lobola itself there is a tendency that we find people who are going to negotiate for that particular woman … they are not involved in activities of the relationship – uncles and fathers talking on behalf of this woman’s vijay-jay, while the woman is not there. The person supposedly lobolaring the vijay-jay is also not there. We must revisit our culture and tradition.
“We must say no to rape. We say no to rape of the young, the old and the disabled. We must live up to the legacy left by our icon … the late Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, of ubuntu and of loving one another to show peace and making sure that sexual activity is something that is agreed upon by two people. No one must steal anyone’s organ.
“We must say to our president, Mr Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma … ‘That yes, we all want a tuck shop and a swimming pool, but the tuck shop must not be more expensive than a mall.'”
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