‘I just hate everybody’: Mel Miller’s 60 years of jokes

This guy rocks up at a lumber camp in Canada wanting to be a lumberjack. He is a small, little, skinny runt of a guy. The foreman asked him: “Where did you get your experience as a lumberjack?” The guy said he used to work in the Sahara Forest. In turn, the foreman argued saying that the Sahara is a desert. “Now, it’s a desert,” said the guy.

Jokes, hilarious insults and satire roll off his tongue on demand, in conversation and onstage. From the sublime to the ridiculous, Mel Miller’s comedy has become a thread in South Africa’s cultural fabric, forever.

Miller has been doing comedy for almost six decades and the 78-year-old funny man shows no signs of slowing down. Except, he said, that pub and bar gigs do not appeal to him anymore.

He said: “There is always some drunken dick without a mask who decides to cosy up and breathe on you.”

Apart from that, he continues to jet around the country, getting up on stage and do what he does best, making people laugh.

He started his career as part of a folk outfit with humour as part of the set. This was in 1964 at the Edward Hotel in Durban. This was when he discovered observational comedy, a craft that has become Miller’s trademark over the years.

“Just look around you, South Africa is rich in material. There is something funny happening in the country almost every moment.”

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He shares that a commentator on radio last week referred to multiple sides of a coin, and they are of the same side. That, instead of talking about two-sides of a coin in an argument. “Comments like that create material. And we have a lot of it.”

Political correctness and woke, cancel culture are one of comedy’s greatest threats, said Miller.

“In England, say ‘boo’ to a goose and you’re in trouble. In America, it’s even worse. But you should be able to speak about anything. If you get into the kitchen, you must be able to stand the heat and take the backlash of whatever you have to say.

“At least, in South Africa free speech is protected, but I am sure someone will complain at some point and political correctness will infect us too.”

Miller was beaten up by the apartheid government’s security police after a show for what the Nats considered politically incorrect criticism of the state.

His view on pc-ness: “Stupidity is just there to satisfy the offended. That’s all. There’s no discrimination in my act.

“I just hate everybody, and I welcome opponents and criticism. I just have fun with people that’s all. And if somebody gets offended. I’m sorry. I’m not here to entertain one person. I am there to perform for the whole crowd.”

Miller has performed around the world, including a sold-out performance at the Sydney Opera House; tours of Europe, the United Kingdom, America and Israel saw him take his brand of laughter to thousands. His television credits also include the massively popular Biltong and Potroast joke-o-rama on local television in the early ‘80s.

Miller remembers performing at a tribute to Taubie Kushlik, a doyen of 20th century theatre in SA. She was in the audience and instead of a back-slapping address, he took to the stage and did an impromptu stand-up with Kushlik as the butt of the joke.

“It was in the Carlton Hotel, the place had huge chandeliers, and I started off by thanking her for lending her earrings to the venue.” She had a love for giant ear-adornments. “At the end of my performance, Taubie rose and gave me a standing ovation. I will never forget that.”

Today, he said, Julius Malema is the ideal butt-end of any joke. “To quote Peter Ustinov, ‘he’s created very low standards for himself. Unfortunately, he can’t live up to them’. He is always a laughingstock because he contradicts himself all the time. And you listen to him, and you think, oh God, thank God this man is not running the country.”

Miller is positive about the future of SA, though, and reminds everyone we have the “best politicians that money can buy”.

He refers to the Zondo commission and said that hopefully there will be a purge on corruption. “If that doesn’t happen, it will be the end.”

He’s also become a go-to guy for wood products. Carpentry has been a hobby of Miller’s since school and he makes lazy-Susan’s, bread and chopping boards, biltong cutters and a host of other items. It’s a passion for him, and along with his comedy, a creative outlet he treasures.

“I used to just make stuff as gifts until my wife suggested we start selling some of the goods, it’s doing well,” he said. Miller’s carpentry is sold online and at the monthly Field and Study Centre market in Sandton.