#FakeNewsFriedman: BLF, EFF merge to become BFF

Unconfirmed reports from sources who wished to remain anonymous have indicated that the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) and Black First Land First (BLF) will be merging to form a new party, called BFF.

BLF resolved to become BFFs with the EFF following protracted negotiations which saw the EFF committing to stop calling BLF members “nyaope boys”, and the BLF in turn promising to stop claiming the EFF are agents of MI6 with the secret mandate of protecting white monopoly capital (WMC) against those fighting for radical economic transformation (RET).

This is just one of a series of mergers that will take place following requests from the IEC that parties club together to help them save on ballot-printing costs, following the addition of new parties such as Mzwanele Manyi’s ATM, Hlaudi Motsoeneng’s ACM and Patricia De Lille’s Good.

“We are hoping that such a series of mergers will allow all the political parties participating in this year’s election to fit on the ballot, which we’d very much like to be kept to less than the length of a standard toilet roll,” said an IEC official, who also asked to remain anonymous.

So far, several other parties have agreed to merge in the spirit of saving the rainforests.

Patricia De Lille’s Good will be merging with the Dagga Party of South Africa to form Good Dagga.

The PAC is believed to be in talks with the Minority Front (MF), Azania People’s Organisation (APO) and the National Freedom Party (NFP) to form PACMAN.

The DA will be merging with Agang to form DA Gang.

Cope, meanwhile, will be merging with the Freedom Front Plus, a move that, while not resulting in a particularly humorous new name, has been a long time coming. They will now be known as Can You Cope with the Freedom Front Plus.

The EFF-BLF merger has surprised analysts, who spoke to The Citizen on condition of anonymity too, because they wanted to be like the PowerBall winner.

According to a party insider from the EFF or BFF, who agreed not to be anonymous but we lost the piece of paper on which he wrote his name: “Our decision to become BFF was due to us realising it was time to stop fighting each other and focus on the real enemy.”

That real enemy, the source clarified, was not white monopoly capital but a breakaway party from the EFF called the OFF (Original Freedom Fighters), whom the BLF and EFF were both sworn to destroy, saying they were sure they’d get around to fighting WMC once this had been achieved.

According to another person with a comment, the BFF merger only took place after a proposed merger between the EFF and the OFF, which was to be called EFF-OFF, fell through.

Note: This is satire, and is published every Thursday.

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