SA in shambles – but at least it’ll make for good slogans

T-shirts and coffee mugs are great places to run slogans and, if they’re clever enough, you could make yourself some pocket money on the side.

The idea of slogans – on T-shirts and posters, mainly – was something which really took off in the ’60s and ’70s when the world was torn by wars and revolutions.

The hippies wanted to “Make love, not war” and there were plenty of other pacifist statements…

“War is good business, invest your son”; “War is not healthy for children and other living things”

“Draft beer, not students”.

So slogans could be biting political comment and humorous at the same time.

I remember, as a recently stood-down soldier in the Rhodesian Army buying our local version of a Vietnam war statement: “Participant – Southern African War Games, 1972-1979. Second place”.

Not all the Rhodies appreciated it though, although it was accurate… Some of the slogans from back then are still applicable today – like “I’m with stupid” or “Life’s a bitch and then you die!”

But, in present-day SA – “You’ don’t have to be crazy to live here, but it helps” – we can probably get a thriving turnover going creating our own, unique slogans.

How about: “I would be shocked – but there’s no electricity” or, slightly funny but hugely accurate, “Eskom – hello darkness my old friend”?

Our deadbeat government departments and state-owned enterprises – to say nothing of our ministers – provide rich fodder.

“I wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit so my Dad bought me the SA Post Office” – would sum up our postal service, if it wasn’t so tragic.

In recognition of the sterling job being down by Mbaks, our transport minister, something along the lines of “Long train running is NOT Fikile Mbalula’s favourite tune” would be appropriate.

Summing it all up would be the spot-on observation: “South African Motto: Striving for Mediocrity”… or “Proudly South African. We break everything we don’t steal.”

(Of course, were anyone else to mock our nation like that, there would be trouble, vir seker…)

And there would be a host of gags related to state capture and corruption.

“Saxonwold shebeen happy hour. Buy one minister, get one free”; “Lifeguard – Nkandla Firepool”; “Con Air South Africa: Our choppers all go Gupta, Gupta, Gupta…”

“Step aside, I’m not finished eating – Old ANC proverb”.

Other political parties should not be immune, so for the DA : “John Steenhuisen hasn’t blocked me (yet)” and “I was sleeping and Helen Zille #Woke me”.

And “EFF: Putting Breitling back into Revolution”

Sports teams, too, are fertile places for mockery – “I am a Pirates supporter. If found please take to nearest psychiatric hospital” and “Province! But why?”; not to mention “Sharks and Bulls – Surf n Turf for a hungry Lion”.

Then we could annoy our fellows in Slaapstad with this: “Cape Town: Because God needed a place to put the weirdos and snobs.”

Finally: “If you don’t think you can get blood out of a stone, meet the SA Revenue Service”.

“Nutcracker: One settler, one ballet”.

“I am a Millennial, I stand for…”

“I thought Broadband was Diana Ross and the Supremes until I discovered Smirnoff”.

More suggestions? Please let me know at brendans@citizen.co.za