Your number’s up at last, Jacob

Had the old farm telephone system still been operative, the cables would melt in today’s world. I doze off with the thought.

“Heh-heh, Nkosa is that you?”

“Of course, Jacob, who else. Tee-hee?”

“Did you see old Cyril sweat it on the box? And late – again. Remember how I was accused of arriving late. At least I always had something constructive to say.”

“Jacob, Jacob, don’t you catch on? He had nothing constructive to say because I wrote the script”.

“Do I hear you right, you old devil? The things the nation wanted to hear about, like booze and cigarettes, you skipped?”

“Now you’re cooking, my dear ex. You should know the drill – in fact, you taught Ace and me well. Confuse the fools out there with rhetoric and red herrings, and purposely ignore their pleas.”

“Okay, I hear you. But don’t forget I’ve other irritants on my mind. Like mosquitoes. For one thing, staying out of jail. I’m tired of treading water, and I’m not getting any younger.”

“It’s your own fault, Jacob. You chose the wrong pals. I mean, why the Guptas? They’ve a different culture for starters. They’re streetwise when it comes to lolly. You’ve never been clever with your finances and needed handouts, but to link up with Shabir and his buddies was silly.”

“Hang on, Nkosa, you’re not so bright either. You fraternise with tobacco people. Photos of you and them look very cosy.”

“Jealous, are you? It’s purely platonic. They spoil me rotten. It means a lot to have younger men seek my companionship.”

“Oh, now I get it. By banning cigarettes, it allows these youngsters in the back door. A masterful stroke, my dear. Heh. Heh.”

“Stop it, Jacob, I’m blushing. But you were always good at making the girls feel good. That’s why I couldn’t believe one of your wives tried poisoning you? You must’ve done something bad.”

“Check out my Zoom, and you’ll get the blue penciled version. Thinking about it, why don’t you write the script? You’re evidently very good at it, if Cyril’s appearances are anything to go by.”

“Too busy diverting the party’s failures by blaming corona.”

I wake up with my phone ringing. Hope it’s not Naa-kaaan-dlaa. Heh-heh.

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