You can’t stop matrics from partying, so let’s at least be sensible about it

As private companies have begun issuing vaccine mandates to their staff and debates rage over their legality, the matrics are raging because Rage got cancelled.

It may seem strange to the kids, what with something getting cancelled without making a sexist, homophobic, or otherwise prejudiced tweet, but in the old days things got cancelled for other reasons.

WATCH: Rage festival boss calls for ‘action against media’ after event cancellation

Cricket gets cancelled for rain. Generations got cancelled after a dispute with the actors, and its reboot seems to have a cancelation threat every year. Isidingo too.

Even pre-Covid, it was pretty evident that my beloved Oppikoppi festival was about to get the boot.

But let’s get real. Cricketers will still cricket, actors will still act, and if there’s an appetite for a party, it’s going to happen! Yes, after cancellation, it won’t be in the way we’re used to but those desires don’t go anywhere.

This is why the IFP’s call to ban matric ‘pens down’ celebrations, while well intentioned, is rather hopelessly misplaced.

The allure of the sex, drugs and rock ’n roll that seemingly typify end of year matric celebrations is certainly questionable to most. However, this has also become, for many of the patrons the carrot on the stick to see them through – a rite of passage.

After going through the final two years of their schooling in these weird times, you can’t exactly fault the kids for wanting to go on a bender, especially when after generations, this is what they’ve been looking forward to as the highlight, or even closing ritual, of their matric year.

In other words, even if you ban it, it’s going to happen somehow. What’s also apparent is that the kids in question’s parents have the money to blow. So don’t be surprised when the reports of underground parties surface.

ALSO READ: Don’t partake in Rage parties, Sihle Zikalala warns KZN matrics

Expect the stories of missing kids after unsupervised parties on desolate beaches. Prepare yourself to read about drunk youths getting into accidents on unlit gravel roads.

One doesn’t simply cancel something and expect nothing to take its place in the darkness. Remember those 3 months when the entire country just stopped smoking and drinking?

Exactly.

Sure, ideally, there would be no parties. If the government could effectively push a cancel button and poof, no more parties, I’d be seriously afraid of those powers but it would be the only effective way of combatting the spread.

Parents too are hardly in control of their kids, so expecting them to tell their kids not to go to any sort of party… Well, for the most part, good luck.

Like vaccine mandates, the legality is also questionable. You’ll notice that with the vaccine mandates, companies have been clever and somewhat accommodated those who don’t want to be vaccinated. They’ll make some sort of rule that if you prefer not to be vaccinated, you need to provide a weekly negative PCR test at your own cost.

It’s smart because if this ever gets to court, the companies can throw their hands up and claim that they offered an alternative, regardless of how unpleasant that alternative is. Therefore, though there may be coercion, there is no absolute force.

So, if anybody is serious about avoiding the spread through parties, it would be folly to push the events underground.

Make the parties accessible with some unpleasant hoops. Force the kids to isolate alone in unused hotel rooms in the lead up to the party. Lock them up in isolation for two weeks after the parties. Give them petrol vouchers if the driver blows sober on arrival. Offer a free drink on presentation of a vaccine certificate.

I’m pretty sure that no matter how many hoops you make ‘em jump through, it will probably be more appealing than arranging their own beach party and then you can confine the spread.

What you cannot do is tell people that they can’t do what they were always going to do and expect them to play ball. That’s not only government overreach but also ineffective and irresponsible governance.

Yes. A party at this time is a stupid idea, but try telling that to a stubborn 18 year old. Wonder what response you’ll get?

“You’re not my daddy! Pssh! Even if you were, I don’t care.”