Yes, size does matter… in a cubicle, or a parking spot

Size matters. Trust me. If it’s too small – or too big – it causes problems. In the last week, I was reminded of this twice.

Now I’m not a very big bloke. There are no triple Xs on my shirt labels. But let’s just say there’s nothing medium about me either.

My friends say I’m big enough to drive a small car – and I do. It’s a little bakkie that can carry a load, but it makes parking a pleasure. I don’t need to do a 69-point-turn in the parking garage to get in or out.

Going shopping for clothes the other day, I realised just how under-sized the parking spaces in most malls are, compared to the size of some of the vehicles.

After returning from my spree, I discovered that my bakkie was flanked by two giant SUVs.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t carrying a tin opener with me, so there was no way I could get into my car.

The gap between the cars was so small, my shadow couldn’t even fit.

But battling with a small parking space wasn’t half as difficult as trying on clothes in a fitting room cubicle.

That thing must have been constructed by a Chinese toddler. And with the door opening inwards, I had to do a 360-degree vertical swivel-movement just to get in.

And that’s a move I last did during Volkspele in primary school. Back then we called it tiekiedraai.

Getting in was one thing. Staying in and trying to have fun was a whole different ball game.

A professional contortionist would have been proud of the moves I choreographed just to untie my boot laces. And by the time I managed to not only get into a 36 skinny jean, but also to peel it off my body again, I was done.

But I wasn’t alone. Judging from the sounds coming through the paper-thin dry-walls, someone was either shooting a documentary on claustrophobia with a cast of 20 in the cubicle next door, or hosting a swingers party.

I couldn’t help but wonder what I sounded like, especially with all the shoppers laughing and pointing at me on my way out the shop.

Danie Toerien

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