Yanks can’t count… or predict your text

For a nation who can’t even count, Americans sure are arrogant.

They pretend to rule the “free world”, wherever that may be, and they believe they know what the rest of us want to say even before we say it.

Really? I think not.

Counting is, in my humble opinion, the most basic of the mathematical building blocks. It’s the first thing one learns in Grade 1, long before we get to multiplication and division and whatever follows.

Yet the Americans – in all their glory and with their perceived technological superiority – can’t count their votes after an election. How pathetic.

Considering that as a nation they are the same people responsible for predictive text, I now understand why that kite doesn’t fly.

The same fat, burger-munching college dropouts responsible for counting this year’s ballots are probably the same bunch of dimwits who tried their hand at guessing what the rest of the world want to say.

No wonder my poor mother is still in therapy two years after I tried to compliment her on her delicious shaved pork sandwiches in a WhatsApp message.

No prize for guessing what the app developers thought once I had typed in “shaved p…”.

And don’t even try using the word conspicuous in a message. The moment you get to the letter “p”, you are branded a conspiracy theorist, regardless of what you really wanted to say.

Even Donald Trump is apparently a regular victim of the “we know what you want to say” phenomenon. Unless, of course, he really did expect the Poles to rush to his rescue and vote en masse before the polls closed.

Turning the predictive text feature off is the safest way to ensure one’s messages are not twisted by a defective algorithm written by some geek who still thinks there’s a communist under his bed. But it does give one a fun insight into the minds of the Yanks. Or should that read the mindless Yanks?

As far as the counting of ballots go, there is an alternative: Weigh them. He who gets the heaviest bag, rules the States.

I’m sure the Chinese or Russians will give the Americans a great deal on scales.

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