Women, stand up to any abuse of your space and body

Let’s talk about physical boundaries and men in the workplace, something many young South African women have to face on a daily basis.

I was at an important event outside the office the other day when an older man touched my left boob “by accident”.

The organisers at this event had organised lunch in form of a buffet for everybody and we were in line waiting to be served.

When we got to the front of the line, my attention was focused on the food they were serving and seeing that I am a health freak, my choice was of upmost importance to me.

So important that I did not hear the waiter calling me to present my food voucher to him so he could start serving my food.

The older man behind me, who was well aware of the waiter calling me, was so eager to alert me that he somehow missed my shoulder and poked my boob. My body froze and my mind went blank almost immediately.

I allowed the waiter to dish up my food as I just stood in shock, nodding like a robot when he pointed at a different dish.

The outrage …

I couldn’t even eat.

I had never felt so violated while working in my entire life …

I placed the food in a safe area and ran to the bathroom to cry my eyes out.

I only confronted him about an hour later, when I had summoned the courage to let him know how uncomfortable he had made me feel.

He dramatically removed his glasses and stared at me in disbelief as if he knew nothing about what I was saying. He denied touching me there on purpose, insisting that he thought he had touched my shoulder, apologised profusely and said he would never touch me again.

Despite this, the deed was done and I’m sad to say I will never know if it was on purpose or not.

What makes me angrier is that this happens to young women regularly by all types of men – and we are taught that it’s normal.

We are taught that if a man calls you out in the street by pet names like “sexy”, “sweety” (and the names go on), that you shouldn’t take it seriously, just walk faster.

We’re taught that if we feel someone touching us in an indecent manner, we should just scurry away so they don’t do it again.

We’re taught that we shouldn’t try to fight them or raise our voices because we will be seen as the girl with attitude who does not have respect.

The paralysis of not knowing what to do in that moment while I collected my food without standing up for myself made me angry enough to go back and tell him what he did was wrong.

And after that, he never dared to touch me again.

I urge women, especially young women, to stand up for themselves when anyone makes them feel uncomfortable in any way.

Men like this think the world revolves around them because no one stands up to them and corrects them.

Not all men are like this and these men need to be stopped – by force!

Chisom Jenniffer Okoye.

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