This manicured diva truly feels for poor men

“Women are so good at cheating,” I think while painting my nails bright orange.

And we do it so much better than men. Take my nails, for example.

Pulling down a vrot ceiling means being covered with years and years of fine black dust; the kind of dust you can wash out of your nostrils and eyes, but try and get that black out from under your nails.

So, three days later, I fall back on a Woman’s Cheat: hide it with nail polish.

Oh we have plenty of other cheats. Need a cleavage? Push it with a good bra.

No cheekbones? We paint on contours in every rainbow shade. We dazzle men into thinking we are Miss Right with age-old cheats.

Need a bigger bum? Carry it off in a top that’s pleated over your derriere.

And the extra kilos are easily hidden in the pattern your mom and her mom and her mom have always used: an A-line cut.

Dimpled thighs get covered with sexy fish nets; flabby arms are draped in soft frills; crow’s neck is hidden with a fabulous choker and you’ll never spot an unsightly bunion with even more fabulous heels.

And if the way to your heart is through your stomach, we can plump up that last pasta in our bare cupboard to a feast fit for our king.

We just won’t tell you the mince was really soya that you so hate. Because we know how to cheat with spices and know fresh veggies bulk out any dish.

Even our grey hair can be camouflaged with a Fiery Red or Ash Blonde. That’s the one area where women feel cheated: men go grey sexily beautiful.

And dare I say women even play the infidelity cheat better – if you can believe that Jerry Springer-type Cheaters.

You can’t help but notice the low ratio of women being busted.

A hidden text message is nowhere to be found on their phones and their hot dates are short and in broad daylight.

So know this manicured diva truly feels for poor men.

My mechanic has only his nail brush; your boep is left hanging with no support and all you can do with your bald patch is a comb-over.

But I’ll let you in on a secret – our best cheat probably is: “I’m fine…”