A man has to keep his cool

The first one we tasted, was a Chenin Blanc. “Tropical aromas of guava, apple, ripe pears, and melon,” said the young man.

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Obviously, a rhyme he had to recite. And he was right. “But I always thought they made wine from grapes?” I asked, sneaking a lifted-eyebrow look at the rest of our wine-guzzling friends.

The young man swallowed twice before ensuring me that I was correct, but that the different tastes were a result of a handbook full of chemical reactions, weather patterns, soil quality, ageing techniques and whatnot…

But I really did smell the guava. Not quite sure about the difference in smell between a ripe and a green pear, but it was there.

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As for the melon, I was staring at my wife – and she is well-endowed… Keeping current weather conditions in mind, it’s no surprise that the Chardonnay (wooded, of course) went down the hatch faster than an Alice in a rabbit hole.

I interrupted the young man before he could even start his recital. “Another, please, but with a block of ice.” The young man’s reaction was very similar to that of the barman at KWV when I asked for a Coke.

The Merlot was quite a surprise. “Well-balanced with an elegant berry bouquet and chocolate flavours on the palate.”

Not quite a glass and a half on the chocolate taste, but with the mercury now above 30, any liquid would do. Got to stay hydrated.

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“This wine loves food and can be enjoyed with red meat dishes,” explained the youngster. “If the wine loves food, then I suppose we have to place our glasses away from our plates?”

Not amused, the sommelier-in-training decided that the rest of our gang deserved the bulk of his attention. At last, we reached wine heaven. Shiraz.

“Fresh raspberry and black cherry aromas, complemented by pepper and spice. Soft and velvety with a lingering aftertaste and smokey oak nuances.”

I thought he was talking about a steak on a braai. Or perhaps describing me as the sun’s movement had rendered the umbrella useless.

Should have seen his face when, after the wine-tasting, I asked if they stocked any beer.