Will the real men please stand up?

The measure of a man. Five words. Five heavy words for women.

Because we don’t measure you by your size, believe me and not some our XXXL-will-f it-you-like-a-glove site.

We don’t measure you by your manners. Opening the door for me makes you a “I listened to my mom” boy and I know I must lock that door myself in any case in this country – even though I love your manners.

We don’t measure you by whether you foot the bill we know we can pay – and that offer I love even more. We don’t even measure you by your wealth – or not. Throw money at us and we love. Don’t throw money at us and we still love.

Because we truly love and believe in you.

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But here’s the secret: the measure of a man is… him; honest him. The whole God’s-truth-I’m-trying-and-love-you him.

The man who tells you you’re his world but gives you space as far as the moon.

The man who knows you have your friends and he’s not one.

The man who smiles when you go off with them and lets you be for the night.

A man who knows his anger – and can control it.

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A man who sometimes, just sometimes, wants to smash your face but kicks a hole in some door.

A man who doesn’t even know his country has 16 days asking men to please not beat us up because he’s just not into that.

Wonderful as he is, he needs to get into that.

Can he please stand up and teach?

Can he remember his mother’s manners and start with boys – as angry as all us South Africans are: live without water, power, see the blatant looting and wonder “Why not #MeToo?”

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Can he be vocal and condemn; can he reach out and touch – and make a difference to stop the horrendous cycle of abuse?

It starts with one man standing up.

Because that’s a man who knows the measure of himself.

I know. I married one aeons ago. And that’s his epitaph à la Samuel Butler: A man’s work is always a portrait of himself.

Measure up, please, men, or us women are lost…

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