We need a magic moment, Fairy Godmother

Dear Fairy Godmother,

I habitually write to Santa this time of the year requesting special gifts – not to fill my badly laddered stocking, but to do something for the community.

But the old boy is losing it and tends to forget salient points.

Last year, I asked him to hijack parliamentarians and put them down on some far-off planet. They’re still around, befouling the nation with corruption and incompetency.

As you know, Santa is not obliged to answer letters or give any explanation as to why he doesn’t deliver. I was thoroughly disappointed to see the same bunch either sleeping in the benches, or sprouting garbage.

Spotting my foul mood, my Heidi suggested I write to you instead. First of all, she says, you’re a woman. Secondly, you wield magic that works. And thirdly, you multitask.

So, here goes. By now, you’ve caught on I have an obsession with bad politicians. Are there any good ones, you might ask. That’s a moot point. Very few, I reckon. Some reckon the good ones are dead. Anyway, back to business.

How about waving your magic wand over the crooks in Cabinet during the next session? Then, telepathically transport them to Nkandla to join up with Jacob and his family over the festive season. This would allow them enjoying a little respite before the Hawks move in on them next year.

Hopefully, there’s water in the pool, enough cattle in the kraal so as to provide meat for Christmas lunch, and the entertainment centre ready for the dancing virgins under the watchful eye of Jacob’s wives. Oh, before I forget, seal Jacob’s bunker, too.

Render the Economic Freedom Fighters’ members mute. This will allow proper debate without inane utterings. How about tapping Juju on the head and freezing what’s left of his brain. Perhaps, when the magic wears off, he would’ve grown up some.

I realise your power is not everlasting and we can expect the same lot in parliament next year, but at least we would have been freed of maddening individuals totally unfit to govern.

A last request. Be around at the ballot boxes during municipal by-elections, making sure the right party gets the nod. This country is crying out for change. We will forever be in your debt.

Happy Christmas, Godmother.

Cliff Buchler.

For more news your way, download The Citizen’s app for iOS and Android.