We have nothing to envy Down Under

SA’s okay, mate, warts and all.

I met up with a journalist colleague of yesteryear who had emigrated to Australia with his family. It’s obvious he misses SA – not despite, but because of its quirky characteristics.

He describes Perth as probably the most boring city in the world, with all its splendour and cleanliness. No soiled papers and used KFC or Nandos take-away containers jammed against fences or clogging roadside drains – an endearing sight in this neck of the woods and the subject of many a creative photographer. The only subjects Perthians get excited and passionate about are cricket and rugby.

And he hasn’t come across a restaurant serving sheep liver and onions – sheep are a protective species and need their livers to keep them frisky and cute.

And the Aussies don’t talk politics or news – there just ain’t any.

Imagine living in a country without having had the likes of a president having been associated with corrupt felons and who believes a good shower after sex renders him immune to Aids.

And a drunken judge who crashes through a wall with his top-of-the-range BMW – and whose trial is a joke with prosecutors and defence attorneys falling over themselves to purposely confuse the case against him.

Or a parliamentary system allowing honourable (sic) MPs wearing red overalls acting like vulgarians.

And what about the carnage on our roads that’s a way of life here? My pal tells me of a headline in one of the main Aussie newspapers that had people sitting up and talking: “Authorities concerned over 20 road deaths in one year.”

And the folk Down Under don’t enjoy the thrill and stimulation our taxi drivers give us. Daily killings among them – never mind writing off their passengers.

And they don’t have strikes, including arson, looting and damaging assets like schools, libraries and buses.

The same can be said about crime statistics. When comparing our cases of ongoing murder, rape, robberies and heists, crime there is almost non-existent. Pity him having to go back to such a lacklustre lifestyle, summed up in the words uncontaminated, hygienic and pristine. Nothing to envy them about.

Or is there?

Cliff Buchler.

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