Hottest urban legend of a curry competition and an inexperienced judge

My friend Diets is not a legend. He is The Legend.

To his family and friends, he is a combination of Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Clark Kent, spiced up with elements of the Dalai Lama and Gordon Ramsay.

Weird combination? No. He is beyond brave, a superhero, anchored in his religion, and he can
cook with the best.

The other day he treated us to the most exquisite curry, made with a whole leg of lamb and potatoes. As we were feasting, he recalled an urban legend from years gone by: a curry competition at the Pietermaritzburg agricultural show.

Legend has it that one of the judges didn’t arrive and a British tourist, let’s call him Nigel, was
roped in as the third judge, with the promise of free beer. This is how the legendary curry tasting was scored:

Seelan’s Maniac Tomato Curry
Judge No 1 – An amusing kick.
Judge No 2 – Very mild.
Nigel: Holy S##t, took me two beers to put the flames out.

Phoenix BBQ Chicken curry
Judge No 1 – Slight chilli tang, with a hint of chicken.
Judge No 2 – Needs more chillies.
Nigel: Keep this out of reach of children. I definitely need another beer, quick.

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Shamila’s ‘Burn Down the Garage’ Curry
Judge No 1 – Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge No 2 – Good use of the chillies.
Nigel: Call the fire brigade!

Baboo’s Black Bean Curry
Judge No 1 – Disappointing.
Judge No 2 – Disappointing.
Nigel: Feels like nuclear waste scraped over my tongue.

Vereshnee’s Vegetarian Variety
Judge No 1 – Good balance of spices.
Judge No 2 – The best yet.
Nigel: I am definitely going to sh#t myself if I fart.

Naidoo’s Toenail Curling Curry
Judge No 1 – Perfect.
Judge No 2 – Excellent curry.
Nigel: One bite, a roaring burp, and he passed out.

As far as urban legends go, this is one of my favourites. And Diets’ lamb curry? Well, If I have to score it, he gets full marks. The best I’ve ever tasted. And I’m no Nigel.

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