This year my ho-ho-ho is no-no-no

It’s December, and the gifting season is upon us.

I can’t do it. The neighbours already have their tree up, but all I want to do is lie down.

Yes, it’s Christmastime but, unlike some people, we don’t all have a bazillion rand stashed down the back of the sofa for emergencies.

Or gifts.

So I can’t be Santa’s little helper any longer, not this time around anyway. My elf suit is worn out, my ho- ho-ho is a no-no-no, and the only jingle I hear is the sound of tills sucking up our depleted finances while the earth burns.

I love Christmas in theory, but I can’t face the mandatory excess right now, and neither can my bank account: the holiday hampers sent to people far away; the presents for children who I see once a year and who barely know my name; the gift swap with friends blighted because I’m thinking here’s more stuff I have to put somewhere; the exchange of sweet treats where I’m churlishly cursing more calorific temptation, all too aware I’ll be trying to shed it for the next 12 months; the anxiety of choosing presents for Himself, the man who has everything, certain that it’s some sort of competition – who did better, who did worse.

Maybe I’m a horrible person. But I’m also a tired person. It’s been a helluva year.

I’m not the only one, though. I know this because I decided to take action.

“One present,” I said to Himself as he supervised me buying him tickets to a Peter Gabriel concert for Christmas. “We’re doing one present this time, okay?”

He agreed, but then added: “One present – and a stocking?”

Of course a stocking. I’m not a monster.

Encouraged, I started messaging people to tell them I’m bowing out of the gift-giving merry-goround this year, scaling back because the world’s gone mad and everyone is cash-strapped, so please let’s not go crazy.

And you know what the response was, without exception?

“Thank God!” … “All good!”

“The kids have so much stuff already.”

Turns out this awful Grinch feeling isn’t just me.

“Phew!” came one reply. “I’m in! It gets harder every year. I know that’s no excuse but a card it is.”

Well, I was thinking maybe a token bottle of wine … but a card it is.