There is no one right way to raise a child

When my mother said “parenting has no manual”, I, as a teenager, thought she was just exaggerating because my siblings and I were not that bad. Until two years ago when I was blessed with a baby boy I had no clue how to take care of.

From surfing the internet to find out “how do I breastfeed?” to “how do I know the baby is still hungry?” and “why is he crying, I’ve fed him, burped him and changed his diaper?” I knew there and then the literal meaning of “neither life nor parenting comes with an instructional manual”.

As parents, it is natural that we would want to be the best caregivers we can be for our children. However, there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a child who is confident, kind and successful.

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Every aspect of being a parent has been more complicated and more fraught than the before: from crawling, to walking, then talking, potty training and even feeding themselves.

I’ve had to unlearn so much and learn what works for my son as an individual, because I did go through the motions of having family and friends compare my son to other kids, and even questioning his growth and developmental stages.

But I’ve had to rein myself in and not be so hard on myself, because again: “there is no manual”.

Just the other day I had a parent-teacher meeting and the teacher said my two-year-old son was “slow”. In a class of three-year-olds, he was the only one still wearing a nappy and they can’t make up the sentences or even words he was saying.

Like any other parent, I couldn’t help but think I messed up – but later I realised he is just learning at his own pace. I mean, we always say: “Run your own race at your own pace” – but here I was already judging my son when I should’ve been reassuring him that he’s on the right path.

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During the Covid pandemic, a lot of parents had to make a choice to protect their children, whether it was choosing to keep your child at home and not allowing them to go to school, or even getting them vaccinated.

Throughout the journey of parenting, it is hard to know whom or what to trust, because, despite having a supportive community that helps you through it, we’re all just winging it. And as modern parents, it is even worse because we have the entire internet at our disposal and don’t have to follow any single authority.

But it’s important that, while you do understand there is no one right way to raise a child, there are also 1 000 ways to get your child sick and you can even risk losing them.

With the recent measles outbreak in almost all the provinces of South Africa except the Eastern Cape, anti-vaccine sentiment have also increased – especially since the pandemic, with a lot of fake news driving the hesitancy as well.

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The concern among parents getting their children vaccinated is valid. Questioning, however, it is also important to ease the concern with facts, rather than hearsay. Even the “road to health” government vaccination books help you understand what the child needs and when to talk to your private doctor.

But above all, remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life, because – despite the mess – they are an absolute pleasure.