There are no winners in divorce

It takes time, sacrifice and effort to make relationships – and marriages more specifically – work.

Once you have found the “person of your dreams”, or “your soulmate”, and the initial love at first sight dims, it takes patience, hard work and commitment to ensure a relationship stands the test of time.

Marriage is not for everyone and sometimes divorce is the only way for both parties to move forward, especially if it is a toxic relationship and time together has a negative effect on you emotionally and physically.

Not everyone is compatible and going your separate ways is unfortunately the only answer for some couples. In some cases, no amount of counselling or talking will ever save the marriage.

The latest divorce statistics are out and while 2019 shows a slight decline from the prior year, there are seldom any winners when couples decide to call it a day.

The new statistics, based on 23 710 completed divorce forms processed in 2019, shows the number of divorces fell 6.2% from 2018.

From that data, it shows 43% of the divorces were before the couple’s 10th wedding anniversary, with the largest number of divorces among marriages that lasted between five and nine years, at 25%.

It also revealed marriages that lasted between 10 and 14 years resulted in a 21% divorce rate and those of less than five years in a 17% divorce rate.

Worryingly, divorce rates in South Africa are expected to climb considerably in 2020. Lockdowns, which started a year ago next weekend, put intense pressure on relationships.

Financial stress, living in each other’s spaces and the fear of the unknown would have tested every relationship. Divorce lawyer Billy Gundelfinger is most probably correct when he says the divorce rate decreased because married couples “didn’t have the finances for divorce”.

However, the romantic in us prefers to see the positive spin in what relationship expert Paula Quinsee noted when she said “young couples are waiting longer to make a commitment and to get married”.

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