The world needs Johnny English to lead the virus fight

Don’t laugh and don’t turn the page, hear me out when I say Hollywood should take the lead in the fight against the coronavirus.

Let’s be honest, whenever Hollywood gets involved in a war, the baddies get annihilated and the American heroes save the day.

Hollywood is, to this day, still winning World War II, the war in Vietnam, the Cold War and the numerous excursions by the Bush clan into Iraq.

The latter doesn’t qualify as a war, because it was nothing other than a hostile takeover of another country’s oil reserves using armed forces under the guise of liberating a nation from a dictator. But that’s a story for another day.

And for the know-it-all generation (Generation Z), the Cold War has nothing to do with colds or flu. Google it and you’ll see.

But back to the coronavirus war.

Obviously, Covid-19 was created by some crazy government-controlled scientist in Wuhan as a weapon and obviously there is an antidote.

So, we need a specialist team to infiltrate the heavily guarded biological warfare command centre, kill dozens of guards and the crazy scientist, steal the antidote and save the world.

Of course, there is a high-ranking American politician or general in cahoots with the Chinese, but we will only find out who near the end of the pandemic.

And the only scientist with enough knowledge about the virus – and who accompanies the specialist war team – will be a woman who could supplement her income by modelling for Victoria’s Secret.

Tom Cruise could be a candidate to lead this mission, but seeing that it won’t be impossible and because it won’t be politically correct to have a team of white guys kill so many Chinese, we will leave him at home.

Another option could be the new Bond, but then the action hero and scientist would both be women, and we can’t have that. We already have Charlie’s Angels.

No, I think this is the perfect job for Johnny English.

Let’s face it, he can’t do any worse than Donald, Boris and Cyril.

Danie Toerien.

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