The other day at a restaurant when I gave a fresh spin to a fishy tale

Remember when your teachers would say there’s no such thing as a stupid question? Well, they lied.

The other day in a restaurant a man within earshot inquired about the fish on the menu. First, he wanted to know if it really was hake they would be serving. Then he wanted to know the exact size of the portion and whether the beer batter was made with real beer.

Then he asked the question I had been waiting for: “Is the fish fresh?” The waiter has obviously been asked this question many times.

“As fresh as the day it was caught,” he replied.

The satisfied customer duly ordered. Knowing that I would be heard, I proclaimed to my fellow diners at the table that I would be ordering fish too, but not hake. I explained: hake is mostly caught offshore in the colder waters stretching from Mossel Bay to Saldanha. The fish is then taken ashore before it is transported in trucks inland. Can you imagine how exhausted the poor fish must be after that trip?

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I, for one, cannot drive all the way to Saldanha in one single go. I have to sleep over. I’m sure the fish do too. Then they’re off to a warehouse for redistribution to the various grocery stores and restaurants. By this time, they must have lost a bit of condition. So, I proclaimed, I will enquire whether they have flying fish in stock.

By now, I could see the fellow who ordered hake was caught hook, line and sinker I continued: flying fish are always fresh, as they are caught in local ponds, rivers and dams. The reason is that they fly miles in search of food and to
escape predators in the oceans. They are usually caught early in the morning and served fresh as a daisy that same day.

That’s also why there are so many seagulls inland, I explained. They follow the flying fish as this is their easiest source of food. I saw it on the internet, was how I explained my knowledge.

You should have seen the waiter’s face when the fellow who wanted fresh hake tried to change his order.