Dreaming of the good old days of women cooking and men leading

Inside the meeting hall, the tables were groaning with delectable treats and large urns of tea and coffee. Women bustled here and there, serving the men as they arrived.

Piet nudged Frik: “It reminds me of the good old days when we were in the Nats. Those vroumense could sure organise some lekker kos…” “Ja, that’s true. It was their true vocation, because politics was a little too much for their pretty heads…”

Just then, The Leader entered. “Hello, girls!” he said to the women behind the table, “you’re all looking fetching today…” “Not like roadkill…” sang a female voice. “Ha, ha, ha,” chuckled The Leader, “Thanks for having my back on that one…bladdy woke journalists turning molehills into mountains again – never mind chicks who don’t have a sense of humour…”

He looked as though he was about to speak in parliament: “We are not sexists in the DA – I mean, we let you cook, we let you look after the children and the house. We even let you drive… this is not Saudi Arabia, for goodness sake!”

Myrtle sidled up to him, plate loaded with goodies. “You know, Myrtle, I really love your tasty bits I like to nibble on… and those samoosas of yours too, ha, ha ha! Look at this, skattie, those woke journos wouldn’t notice that our koeksisters sit next to our samoosas…and they say we’re not multicultural!”

ALSO READ: Steenhuisen victim of ‘self-sabotage’ by DA’s social media team, says analyst

The Leader and four other men moved to the stage. “This session of the Democratic Alliance Women’s Network is now in session. Please welcome our Leader, John, who is also Chairman for this meeting…”

The Leader stood up. “Ladies – and all of you are, in the finest definition of that word. You see, I am not a misogynist, I really like girls. And it’s not my fault I fall in love with them, even when I’m married.

“The heart wants what the heart wants … Behind every successful politician there is a chick – sorry lady – who supports him and leaves those difficult matters of policy to him. I mean, let’s face it – okes can’t cook or look after kids. We’re just not hard-wired that way. We deal with the big issues…”

After a smattering of applause, the Leader went on: “I am pleased to announce that, from next year, the Steering Committee for the DA Women’s Network will include at least one lady. Now, it might not be one of you because, honestly, this is a media-driven world and we need someone easy on the eye in front of the cameras…”

As mutters went around the hall, he continued: “That also means it can’t be Helen. And, she’s got much more important work and, frankly, she’s got bigger balls than the rest of us, so we need her!”

Frik stood: “As Finance secretary, I can report that we are looking at designs for uniforms for the Women’s Network…as you know, babes love uniforms! They are going to be along the lines of the 1974 SAA air hostess outfit…hemline above the knee to expose the all-important leg assets…”

He went on: “We’ll also be applying the SAA standards in terms of height and attractiveness, which might rule out some of you…but never mind, the party still appreciates your efforts.”

He sat and said to Piet: “Uniforms! Be still my heart! Remember the chicks in the hostels at university?” He looked around sheepishly: “Ag, sorry about that John, I forgot you wouldn’t know….” The Leader glowered. Someone else might end up as roadkill…