Picture: Supplied
Editor’s Note: This column on the Decuplets (aka, the Tembisa 10) is obviously a work of satirical fiction, and should not be mistaken for a factual news report.
“There are 10 strange babies hanging on the wall
And if one strange baby should accidentally fall
There’d be nine strange babies hanging on the wall…”
The Investigative Editor spun around.
“Shut up!” he shrieked.
“You sub-editors are always trying to be funny!”
A silence descended on the newsroom. This upcoming birthday was making everyone tense.
From the back came a voice: “Chief, we have got the birth certificates printed out as Doc ordered. But I am not sure everyone will believe them…”
“What do you mean?” fumed the Investigative Editor, “Our Glorious Philanthropist Leader is on the side of justice and as we said on IOL last week, he is the David battling the Goliath of the WMC media.”
Someone muttered under their breath: “But wasn’t David Jewish?”
A reporter came forward with a sheaf of birth certificates.
“Just look at the names. Are these what a woman in Tembisa would call her kids?”
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The Investigative Editor glanced through them: “Jacob Iqbal, Ace Iqbal, Dudu Iqbal, Matshela Iqbal, Brian Iqbal, Tom Iqbal, Bathabile Iqbal, Mzwanele Iqbal, Nomvula Iqbal, Carl Iqbal. I don’t see the problem…”
He went on: “We can produce these as proof that the decuplets do exist and that anyone who questions that must be a lackey of racist capital…”
Another voice piped up after a while: “But, chief, surely we need some pictures…”
“Racist running dog of imperialist white monopoly capital!” he screamed.
The phone on his desk rang.
Only a few people had this hotline number, which had an attached tin foil cover so it was immune to being monitored by one of the “grabbers”.
“Hello. Ah, Arthur – thanks for the exclusive the other day. Am I busy? Well, we’re just putting together a supplement to commemorate the first birthday of the decuplets.
“What’s that you say? You have information on them? Ok – I’m listening…”
The Investigative Editor scribbled down notes in shorthand while the newsroom watched fascinated as the bobbing of his head matched the scratching of his pen.
“Clear the front page!” he yelled (because he had always wanted to say that and now that Doc had given him the chance, he could.)
The chief sub-editor pointed out, in that picky way of chief sub-editors everywhere, “Sir, the front page is already clear. It has nothing on it because we are waiting for the birthday story…”
Fired by the adrenaline of another, world-first exclusive and the knowledge he would be sticking it to the Thuma Mina crew, he burst out: “Ok. Take a dictate!”
A reporter fumbled over his keyboard as the Investigative Editor began.
“One year ago today, we fearlessly reported that the Tembisa Ten decuplets had been born and then trafficked away by evil imperialist, racist and capitalist baby snatchers.
“Today, we can reveal that the babies were sold for $4 million (about R62 million) – a paltry $400 000 each – from President Cyril Ramaphosa’s game farm in Limpopo, where they had been hidden. That was the money which was stolen.”
He stopped.
“The money was stuffed in a buffalo soft toy. And, we can reveal that the president is funded by Toys R Us!”
Disclaimer: This article was paid for by the Illuminati and White Monopoly Capital.
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