Turns out I’m the villain for stereotyping cats as brutal rodent killers

There are days when the world I live in completely freaks me out. I grew up in an era when boys were boys, with rugby balls and pellet guns, girls played netball and had home economics as a compulsory subject, criminals were in prison and cats caught mice.

Fast forward a lifetime and everything has changed. Now I have to explain gender-neutral bathrooms to a granddaughter and talk about our women’s rugby team at a braai. Huh? But at the end of the day, when the brown stuff hits the fan, it’s back to traditional ways, with men like me called upon to go to war.

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A few weeks ago, our family were the victims of a home invasion. The wife, her two cats, me and my dog Charles, were spending quality time together cooking dinner.

Next moment, from nowhere, a rodent appeared and held us all hostage. I cannot say whether it was a mouse or a rat, for the simple reason that I didn’t have time to study its tail, or weigh the invader. It all just happened too quickly.

The wife was the first to see it and, with a hellish scream, instantly positioned herself dead-centre on the kitchen table.

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Charles, a 60kg ridgeback cross, leapt onto a couch, while both cats puffed themselves up to twice their size and hissed, while joining mother on the table.

As the last soldier standing, I had to defend the fort. To be brutally honest, the table and the couch seemed a much safer option than arming myself with a mop and a can of Spray & Cook, but in a battle, any weapon will do, even it means breaking the Geneva Convention.

With footwork that would make a ballerina look like a hippopotamus, I managed to dodge, duck and dive the enemy while at the same time sending it retreating back. Afterwards, during family counselling, I did voice my disappointment about the wife’s cats having a meltdown.

Turns out I’m the villain for stereotyping cats as brutal rodent killers. A course in diversity, equity and inclusion was recommended. As if that’s going to happen…

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