Santa hits back at this hack

Dear Santa

Last year I pleaded with you to round up all corrupt politicians and religious fanatics and get them to work in your factory making toys. The move was to rehabilitate them to become honest, humble and honourable citizens. Then to bring them back to influence others. But no, you ignored my request, and we’re still stuck with these miscreants.

Although they’re known to the law enforcers (sic), party stalwarts (sic) are still active in bankrupt SOEs and municipalities. And jihadists continue to influence the gullible.

A disappointment, Santa.

Dear Cliffikins

I was always under the impression columnists were intellectuals. Okay, egotistical and self-indulgent, but with some savvy.

Your clueless request puts paid to my belief. Any thinking person will know politicians and religious fanatics can’t be rehabilitated.

They are eternally a bad species. And you expect me to introduce these crooks to my hard-working pixies.

The first thing they’ll do is form a labour union and demand wages. My pixies work for the love of the job and are quite happy with their lot. The religious fanatics will establish secret cells to brainwash my workers.

You’ve obviously forgotten what a politician is: one who, when bought, stays bought.

And fanaticism? Ironically, a columnist defined it thus: it comes from any form of chosen blindness accompanying the pursuit of a single dogma.

And these are the people you want to foist on me. I would suggest you spend the festive season turning loose your creative juices, encouraging the nation at large to wake up and use the ballot box to show its anger against a government filled with the people you want me to handle.

But I leave you with one unusually smart thought coming from Bill Clinton: “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening”.

Ho-ho-ho!

Dear Santa

Okay. Okay. I consider myself slapped. But just for your information: There’s a family called Gupta …

A sleigh drawn by frothing reindeer is seen doing a U-turn at break neck speed. To India?

Merry Christmas.

Cliff Buchler.

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