Reality TV’s cullinary conundrum

Reality TV has turned us into a nation of survivors. Who couldn’t survive three weeks in a jungle armed with only a knife and a mosquito net? Even a bunch of celebrities get through the ordeal without chipping a nail.

But reality TV has also turned us into a nation of voyeurs and dancers and experts in antiques and art and weddings and second hand goods and who knows what else.

The one thing reality TV has not managed to achieve, despite dozens of attempts using every imaginable recipe, is to turn us into a nation of culinary experts.

To me it seems that there are more cooking shows on television than there are football matches.

No matter which channel I select, someone is cooking or eating or dining or cheffing or baking or braaiing. One could probably feed a small village in India for a week with all the meals made on television.

It’s all good and well and I suppose there are a lot of people who enjoy those shows, but I just don’t get it. Especially when it’s time for the grand finale.

Watching someone stir a pot for 22 minutes while talking about all the aromas, which I can’t smell no matter how close to the screen I sit, is torturous enough. But then to watch them eat it, trying to convince me of their success with mmms and ahhhs and ooohs, is just ridiculous.

And the combination of ingredients!

Why on earth would anyone want to eat coleslaw with lime and peanuts? Or lentils with goat cheese and peppers?

I promise I’m not making this up. These are all real things I have seen people prepare and eat.

For me, the perfect meal remains a simple braai. I want a chop with the fat nice and crispy and wors that’s juicy and drips when you bite into it and a steak that a good vet might still be able to pull through. And I want to smell the meat and the fire.

When the meat is done I want to eat it with a braai broodjie and potato salad with boiled egg and mayo.

Without the smell and the taste, what’s the point of food?

As for cooking shows – thank goodness there are a few football matches on the telly, too.

Danie Toerien.

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