The race to raise a gold medallist

In the fiercely competitive world of parenting, there’s a special breed of moms and dads – parents of would-be champions.

These parents want their children to dominate every facet of life, from toddler soccer leagues to the Olympics.

It’s a gruelling race and the stakes? Family bragging rights, Instagram likes and the possibility of saying “My child just won another trophy” while pretending to be humble.

The competitiveness starts early. While most new moms are researching the best brands of nappies, these parents are plotting their child’s athletic trajectory. Why? Because someone has to break Michael Phelps’ record in 18 years and it’s probably going to be their little Jacob or Emma.

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By age three, children of such parents are signed up for at least seven extracurriculars, ranging from karate to underwater basket weaving. When questioned about this exhausting schedule, they’ll smile and say, “Oh, little Aiden just loves being busy,” as Aiden falls asleep standing up in his judo gi.

The weekly gymnastics meet, ballet recital, and chess tournament are mere warm-ups. “We’re just exploring interests,” says the mom who’s enrolled her child in an Olympic-level fencing class because “Tokyo 2032 is just around the corner”.

The intensity ramps up in primary school. The annual science fair becomes a battlefield where dioramas are constructed by actual engineers hired by these parents.

By the time their kids are 10 years old, it’s time to specialise. Performance coaches are hired to identify their child’s one true calling, whether it’s tennis, coding or competitive knitting. Once high school hits, it’s a fulltime job ensuring their child is good to go. Did you know underwater archery is a thing? Neither did I – until last week.

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Forget about matric farewells or hanging out with friends. Every free moment is devoted to training.

If all goes well, these children are off to an elite university, while parents are already planning their next move: “Have you considered starting a startup? I heard Bill Gates was about your age when he founded Microsoft.”

If things don’t go according to plan? Well, there’s always the fallback option, YouTube stardom.

In the end, such parents are just like the rest of us, only with a little more sweat and a lot more caffeine. So, the next time you see a family at the park with matching “Team Future Gold Medallist” shirts, remember to smile. After all, we’re all just champions at heart – some of us are just a bit more obvious about it.

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