Quitting alcohol is not always ideal

My skin would glow, I’d sleep better, I’d lose weight, the years would fall off me, they said.

The benefits included lower blood pressure, lower blood sugar, reduced depression, and more energy, they said.

And that was just some of the magical stuff that would happen if I stopped drinking.

Wow, I said, just imagine what I’d achieve if I didn’t regularly crown the day with a glass of the olé vino.

So, on waking up after a big night out looking like my face had been refashioned from slabs of meat, I stopped drinking for an entire month.

There would be no alcohol at all for me for the duration, I declared, and there wasn’t: no glass of bubbles at a friend’s 50th; no medicinal hot whiskey when I came down with a cold; not even a thimbleful of wine at book club, where books may or may not happen but where there is always, always wine.

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Did people harangue me about it as my teetotal friend said they would? No. Nobody cared. Once I had told them I wasn’t drinking they didn’t push me. At book club, the host kindly made me an alcohol-free G&T. After that I just stuck with the T, and the tea.

Even my greatest tempter and temptation, Himself, left me to it, and took to drinking zero-alcohol beer in solidarity. Once he bought alcohol-free wine, but once only because there is a reason Jesus turned water to wine, not vinegar.

Did I crave alcohol? No. Was it hard? No.

Now my month is up, and the results are in: I look the same. I lost no weight. I slept the same. I’ve been a bit more depressed than usual, probably because I’ve had to fully feel my ennui and regret, facing my failings without a chardonnay muffler.

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And most frustratingly of all, I’ve lost my taste for wine. I have a (minor) sommelier qualification – I’m a professional, dammit! – so on that first glorious sip I immediately knew the wine was off and ordered something else. Alas, all the wine in the world was off.

Now, like a child eating olives because I want to be a grown-up, I’m working on retraining my taste buds. Was it worth it? Yes, because I know I can stop.

I just don’t want to.