Pitfalls in Ramaphosa’s structural reform trigger empathetic thoughts

The pitfalls in President Cyril Ramaphosa’s structural reform, like powerless Eskom and trackless Prasa, trigger empathetic thoughts about our beleaguered president.

It happened during my deep thinking time, long before hadedas scream, shriek, bellow, bawl, hoop, holler and bombard the earth with their malodorous missiles. I hop into Cyril’s head and set him on a course saving the country from further sinking.

With my prompting, he arranges a high-powered meeting with the army, police and intelligence as a first step. He tells them what he plans in the near future that could likely revive the “July” looting, plundering and murdering in KwaZulu-Natal. At my insistence he refers to it as the Ace in the Hole Strategy. To prevent a repetition of the mayhem and murders, he needs the assistance of all relevant departments.

Having captured his attention, I remind him of what the nation wanted of his presidency from day one: rid the Cabinet of corrupt and incompetent ministers. Given this assurance from the top dogs, he calls a powwow with the national executive committee and Cabinet ministers.

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He fires all the deputy ministers, advising them to pack up with immediate effect and “leave all the stationery on the desk”. Tape dispensers, punches, pens and rulers are still unopened, proving how much work they’ve done over the years. “Oh, and by the way, empty your lockers of old KFC takeaway containers. I suggest you cut out those fatty wings and flatten those bellies (at my ugly prodding).”

He follows up with the names of those suspected of bribery and corruption. “Out you go,” showing them the door. The second phase of his/my master plan follows soon after. He meets trade union bosses, including Commie Blunt Blade, looks them in the eye and says: “We’ll privatise all SOEs, whether you like it or not.”

The plop of a hadeda projectile against the window pane interrupts my thoughts and I hop out of Cyril’s head.

Oh well, we know Ramaphosa prefers being the head honcho of the ANC, not of the nation. So it’s back to the inevitable muckslide. I turn, fall into a disturbed sleep to the sound of the hadedas’ raucous laughter. A portend?