People want to help, you just have to allow them

My granddaughter crawled for the first time last weekend. Admittedly, it was only two … steps? … crawls? … but there she was, left knee right hand, and again, right knee left hand, before the inevitable face plant.

With lockdown and safety concerns having kept our family largely at a distance from each other, watching her grow has mostly been through photos and videos which, while great, is simply not the same.

Of course, I recognise the extraordinarily good fortune our family has had in having escaped the worst the lockdown has brought to most people living in South Africa.

As of Tuesday evening, the department of health has recorded 52 251 deaths from Covid-19. I would hazard a very large number of those people had families who loved them, needed them, depended on them as an integral part of their daily lives.

I can empathise about losing a parent, albeit under very different circumstances to losing someone from something like a virus which we do not fully understand.

My mother died many years ago and every day her loss is still felt keenly. She would have walked on air with pride to be a great-grandmother. And as terrible as losing her was for all of us, we try hard to live the best lives we can to honour her.

It’s not easy and people are living with loss, not only of a loved one, but a job, salary cuts, pets (and this can be a big one for many people), any kind of relationship, not doing great at school, peer pressure – amplified by the rapid societal change forced on all of us.

External factors such as the struggling economy, rolling blackouts, what seems like never-ending corruption, racism and more are not helping.

We can’t say when life will settle as the virus continues to evolve and phrases such as “the new normal” have become passé, as situations change almost daily.

For myself, the biggest tool in my threat kitbag is accepting change is coming. As a Capricorn who fell out of the Capricorn tree and hit every branch on the way down, change – and unexpected change – is difficult.

I’ve had to learn to acknowledge it has happened, then see how it affects me immediately and then work it either in my immediate moment, or plan a workaround, and deal with the emotion if I need to with my trusty punchbag later.

I’m not going to lie – occasionally when I’m caught off guard, I can still get into a raging battle and it takes a huge effort to step away and then come back with apologies and a plan.

I’m not alone in that I can speak to people in my personal life and I’m also surrounded by great colleagues whom I can bounce plans off. Here’s the thing though: it can still get lonely in one’s head when you’re shouting at yourself from a 100 different directions and the noise drowns out people who can help you.

A lesson I’ve learned this past year is that people want to help. And sharing the load has been gratifying, knowing when the voices and the stress pile up, once I let myself reach out, people are there.

We are not alone, even if it feels like it. Simply by taking baby steps by being kinder to ourselves, not blaming ourselves for everything, we can brighten our day, even if it’s just a bit.

Everyone has to start somewhere.

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