A special day with my angel, as we celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary

I’m not going to work today, and neither is the lovely Snapdragon.

We’re celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary and as soon as the surprise that we have been together for so long wears off, we are going to spend a great day together.

Five years… 1 825 days. I’m proud to tell you, dear reader, that I haven’t considered divorce once in all those years. Well, not more than three or four times, anyway. Which is a mere fraction of the number of times I have contemplated murder. It sounds terrible, I know, but it’s normal.

We have a turbulent marriage but I love that lunatic know-it-all to bits. I can’t say I have never fallen out of love with her. On a good week, I can fall out of love with her four times before the weekend. But I can fall in love with her again dozens of times. I adore her huge feet and the way she stamps her foot when she’s angry at me. I love the way she rolls her eyes when she’s irritated and her sighs when she doesn’t agree with me.

ALSO READ: In pics: Gomora’s glamourous all-black wedding

There’s nothing on earth that gives me more pleasure than her complete lack of patience and her inability to understand that others can see things differently. Living with that gorgeous woman is a huge challenge, but a life without her will be empty and meaningless. I’ll take her to an upmarket mall today and hide my tears as I pull out my battered debit card in the shops.

This evening, I’ll dress up and take her to a romantic restaurant and refrain from making comments on her vegetarianism. (As far as I’m concerned, vegetables aren’t food – food eats vegetables.) Later on, when we eat dessert, I’ll even tell her I love her.

Personally, I think it’s unnecessary – I’ve told her I love her when I married her five years ago and I can’t see any reason to repeat myself. I haven’t changed my mind, after all.

Well, not many times. And tonight, when I lie in bed next to this wonderful, snoring angel, I’ll count my blessings. There are many – I’m an extremely privileged man.

But just before I fall asleep, I’ll admit to myself that this woman is the best thing that could ever happen to me. And I’ll try to be thankful for the rest of the year.