Kekeletso Nakeli-Dhliwayo
2 minute read
13 May 2021
8:24 am

Parents should keep kids out of the spats

Kekeletso Nakeli-Dhliwayo

How can fathers, their families and those that cheer them on live with themselves when the money that they pay over in maintenance is so minimal it has no consequence on their lifestyles?

Enhle Mbali outside the Randburg Magristarte's Court after she filed a protection order against Black Coffee. Picture: Screengrab

We may not approve of her venting through social media … but as women who raise children, some of us believe that she has been pushed.

I’m talking about the Black Coffee and Enhle Mbali saga.

Such desperation – where mothers feel the indignity of having to publicly declare poverty in the hope that the coparent comes to the party – is a common occurrence.

How can fathers, their families and those that cheer them on live with themselves when the money that they pay over in maintenance is so minimal it has no consequence on their lifestyles?

This shows how we have become okay with the suffering that has been put before us.

This is nothing more than a society that has accepted that women are meant to suffer, that motherhood should be about a woman who toils beyond even her capacity to prove her love, while the other parent is afforded as much comfort and as many free passes as possible.

Motherhood is nine-odd months of pregnancy, and 12-plus months of the infancy stage with all its hiccups and sicknesses.

I cannot accept that this society of the “enlightened” is okay with this rationale. I do not think I would act any differently in my pursuit for what is just and fair!

How is that the lives of mothers and children whose standard of living is downgraded is explained away as “bitter women who hide behind feminism”?

We need to get to a point in maintenance and divorce matters where dodging responsibility is called out and so are those that perpetuate it.

Parenting is sacrifice, both for the mother and father, but at what point do we agree that fathers are required to contribute their fair share?

If not in emotional and physical labour, then by providing adequate maintenance. Why are we not imploring them to step up in accordance to their responsibility of parenthood?

We should not congratulate men for doing what is needed for their children – nobody congratulates the fish that swims!