We wait for SA men to start parenting

As SA’s 26-year-old Zozibini Tunzi was crowned Miss Universe on Sunday, the debate started all over again: her choice of hair style, people of different hair types having their say – and then opinionated men entered the debate …

Women can learn from Tunzi to appreciate their own hair; what women should and should not be doing to their own appearance…

On and on they went.

I switched off – but then Tunzi appeared with her father on my timeline; a present father who supported his child as she conquered the world.

The presence of Lungisa Tunzi opens up a whole new conversation that actually does require the opinion of men.

Tunzi’s parents divorced in 2011 – but before me was a family united in support of their child; a shared responsibility, differences put aside.

This begs the question, why has the peanut gallery all of a sudden gone silent?

How can the hairstyle of Mr Tunzi’s child grab their attention more than his presence as father?

There should be a conversation shift from the cosmetic, to the fundamental conversation of absent fathers in South Africa – the failure of a parent because it was far easier to abdicate responsibility. Children are then forced to be their own support system… our children are on their own with both parents still around.

The Tunzis are the example black men have been looking for. I have heard the excuse about their absence in the lives of their children: it’s a result of the history of the structure we were raised in.

A man is removed from the mundane duty of child-rearing because “this is the place of a woman.” As the man goes to provide, his absence is excused.

Utter rubbish. In this era of supposed equality, women are expected to both be child minders and equal contributors to the household, yet men still need a “break” from their responsibilities as fathers.

When men are ready to stop discussing Tunzi’s hair, I cannot wait for them to have enough courage to talk about their absence from the lives of their children.

We can only hope.

Kekeletso Nakeli-Dhliwayo.

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