Reflection on the past year never fails to bring a touch of melancholy to the fresh sparkle of the new year.
It’s a bit like the smell of overflowing ashtrays and dirty wine glasses spoiling a beautiful sunrise.
To me, 2018 had exceptional highlights. I’ve conquered new worlds like a Viking wielding a longsword – unbeatable, immortal, bulletproof.
But it was also a year that has taken me on a thorny path, that overshadows all those beautiful moments that could have made 2018 great.
I did not ask for it and truly believe it’s completely undeserved. The worst of all is that those responsible are ignoring accountability, merrily refusing to show the slightest remorse or regret and bluntly refuse to make ammends. Damn jerks!
Dear reader, If I label anyone as a jerk, you can take note – I’m an expert. I am, after all, widely recognised as a champion jackass.
Last year there were scores of episodes where I could have practised the fine art of gentlemanliness much more elegantly. But instead, I opted for sarcasm, snide remarks, a display of indifference … I even called Harry Kane a football player once.
When I stand in front of the mirror and list the moments that define me as a bastard, I don’t leave the bathroom soon. It’s a long list that leaves no doubt in my mind that the lovely Snapdragon is right – I’m an idiot.
But luckily a new year brings new opportunities and I intend to make the most of it.
It’s too much to expect me to stop being a moron, but I’ll sincerely try to have a much shorter list in a year’s time.
I’ll try to show compassion. I’ll respect people who deserve it. I’ll apologise when I’m wrong and will demonstrate grace on the rare occasions when I’m right. I’ll help old ladies cross the street and feed stray dogs. I’ll make home the place where I hang my Viking helmet and show my softer side fearlessly.
For you, dear reader, I wish what I believe every citizen of our glorious country deserves: good jobs, low interest rates, respect, a growing economy, love, low fuel prices, affordable food and a bucket of Colonel Saunders’ delightful product every once in a while.