Why I hate Black Friday

I hate the aggressive undertones, the displayed fury and above all, I hate to be shown how low people will go to save a rand.

Throngs of people are seen queuing outside Checkers at the Raslouw lifestyle centre in Centurion as they wait for the store to open on Black Friday, 24 November 2017, Pretoria. Picture: Jacques Nelles

“It’s Black Friday tomorrow,” the girl behind the counter at the local supermarket told me yesterday. “Go big, or go home!”

It may be a sign that old age has caught up to me, but going home has a very tempting ring to it.

Don’t misunderstand me, I love a good deal as much as the next shopping-crazed, wallet-clutching shopper. Probably a bit more than most, because, as the lovely Snapdragon often points out, I’m a cheapskate.

Shop windows with huge “sale” signs force me to buy bags and bags of stuff which I have to explain to Snapdragon afterwards.

But for some inexplicable reason, Black Friday fails to please my inner hunter-gatherer as much as earlier. And I blame shopping rage.

Dear reader, if you don’t know what shopping rage is, stop reading immediately. Turn the page and thank your good fortune, because you are one of the lucky few.

The rest of us have all witnessed how Black Friday can turn the meekest individual into something resembling Snapdragon, who I can only describe, in the kindest and most loving way possible, as a raging lunatic with nicely manicured nails.

Take an extreme case of road rage. Remove the cars. Add long lines, a mad scramble for limited parking bays and shopping trolleys and enraged shopping mobs grappling for questionable bargains and you have a foolproof recipe for the carnage known as Black Friday.

I love a bargain. But I hate lines of cars waiting at the traffic lights to turn into the mall. I hate driving up and down to get a parking spot.

I hate overcrowded shops and I particularly hate waiting in a long line to pay for the handful of simple items I have managed to snatch up under the noses of other shopping zombies.

In short: I hate Black Friday with all its materialism and overspending in these tough economic times.

I hate the aggressive undertones, the displayed fury and above all, I hate to be shown how low people will go to save a rand.

Go big or go home … and going home is clearly the sane option. If I wanted to be exposed to all that anger, I could just spend the evening with Snapdragon.

Am I going to the hell called the mall after work this evening? Well, maybe just for a little peek…