This week, I was shocked to see that my baby has become a rabid Paw Patrol groupie overnight.
“Don’t worry,” my TV assured me. “It is highly educational and equips your child with valuable skills.”
It’s just a pity that little Egg resorts to violence and theft to increase her exposure to this wholesomeness.
It’s not enough that she wears a Paw Patrol T-shirt every day and has a basket full of branded toys – she has also declared war on Gerhard, who takes his afternoon nap at school next to her. Gerhard owns a Paw Patrol sleeping bag and Egg has decided that she deserves it more than he does.
“I’ll slap him,” she said when she told me about her sleeping bag capture campaign.
“You can’t just slap children,” I told her. “It is his bag, after all.”
“No, it’s mine. He just uses it,” she said. “And I can slap children. I slap them all … Logan, Sophie.”
“We have to do something about her slapping,” I told the lovely Snapdragon, but the much-loved mother of my youngest was unmoved by my appeal.
“She’s South African. Violence is our national sport. Haven’t you seen the crime stats?” she replied.
“Yes, I have. And I think our law enforcement agencies deserve more support. In some countries, people take pride in donating towards the annual police ball. There’s no such pride in our men and women in blue,” I told her.
“Don’t be an idiot again,” Snapdragon snapped. “Everybody knows our cops don’t have balls.”
She’s right. My Snapdragon is more than just a disapproving face.
The police minister has himself said this week they have dropped the ball. But we take the shocking stats in our stride and simply continue with the daily grind of murder and plundering.
Experts said this week our firefighters are undertrained and underequipped. And we should take them seriously, because we torch everything in sight. If petrol wasn’t as expensive, we would have burnt the whole place to the ground by now.
Of course, we produce individuals who showcase what we are capable of like Elon Musk, Caster Semenya, Mark Shuttleworth and Luvo Manyonga.
But as a unified country? I’m afraid history is going to judge us harshly.