These civil servants don’t serve

No matter who you scream at, I mean talk to in a polite manner, you remain screwed because 'you are on the list'.

JMPD officers. Picture: Christine Vermooten

Aren’t bureaucrats just the most amazing people? They are like a different species. It must be in their genes, because you can identify them from a very early age.

At school they are the ones who can arrange a class to stand from shortest to tallest, or in alphabetical order. They are the ones who do the scholar patrol, helping their classmates across the road.

They usually end up being prefects because they are obsessed with so-called order. And when they grow up, they make the most dedicated civil servants. I ran into a few of them this week.

First up was two giggling young ladies from the Joburg metro police who, with the help of their supervisors, bottlenecked Ontdekkers Road into a single lane.

They checked every vehicle’s licence disk. In peak hour. When I enquired about their mental health, they replied that they are geniuses. It’s during peak hours they can check the highest number of vehicles. Duh!

Next time I’ll ask them if a fourway-stop is actually just a square traffic circle.

Then I had to deal with the bureaucreeps at Mogale City who decided to cut off my electricity. How complicated can a municipal account be?

There is a meter that measures electricity consumption and a meter that measures water consumption. The meter readings must be punched into a computer where the software will calculate the amount owed. There are no other variables.

Refuse removal, property rates, sewage are all fixed monthly amounts. It’s really not rocket science. Until they cut you off seven days after you’ve paid. I swear it’s easier to build your own coal-fired power station than to sort out a messy municipal account.

No matter who you scream at, I mean talk to in a polite and civil manner, you remain screwed because “you are on the list”. From experience I can tell you the list is compiled by the bureaugod.

It’s an invisible entity us mortals cannot communicate with. Even the bureauworkers don’t know her identity. I’m just hoping that when the next list is issued, I’m off it.