Not all men know it all

Men are like apples. In every group there’s usually one who tends to be a bit rotten. And that one inevitably gives the rest a bad name.

You must know what I’m talking about: the loud-mouth know-it-all who’s done it all.

I mean, realistically speaking, what are the odds that in a group of, let’s say, eight men, one guy has caught the biggest fish, shot a buck at almost a kilometre, mingles with the rich and infamous – but only when the rest of us are not around, of course – drives the fastest car, earns the most money, and is the cleverest, by far.

The worst is that Mr Know-It-All inevitably has the women enthralled.

They tend to be mesmerised by his tales of grandeur while the rest of the gang know his stories are just a load of hogwash.

Let’s be honest.

Everybody knows no one has ever caught a 300kg marlin using just light fishing tackle, with a line that has a 25kg breaking strain, while on vacation in the Mediterranean.

The marlin in the Med don’t grow bigger than 100kg. Duh.

And, come on, it is completely impossible to shoot a kudu at a distance of 950m with a .22 and the sun in your eyes.

Yes, I know one should always give others the benefit of the doubt, but even reality has its boundaries.

At that distance and using that calibre gun, your angle of elevation will have to be 28.25 degrees to hit the target – not taking any crosswind into consideration.

Of course, a chance encounter with a celebrity or a world-renowned scientist is always a possibility.

But lunch with Madiba and dinner with Madonna on the same day is a stretch too far for my imagination.

Please, if you’re going to claim creative license to impress, don’t for one second forget we are not all idiots.

Please, ladies. Don’t be fooled by all these potentially rotten apples.

Keep in mind that the men who do know it all are few and far between.

Danie Toerien

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