My friend thinks she has ADHD – if so she should do nothing to change it

My friend wants to be tested for ADHD.

That would be my polymath friend, the one with three masters degrees who is studying for a PhD in archaeology, who has a string of other diplomas as well.

My friend, who is fluent in Spanish and Italian, who translates historic languages like Old Norse, who is a college lecturer when she’s not being a Pilates teacher, who wins pole dancing competitions, who is a brilliant Scottish dancer too, who maintains the neatest, cleanest house I know, and bakes choc-chip cookies from scratch.

My friend, the one who has never forgotten my birthday, who still sends handwritten Christmas cards, who will sit with me for hours simply chatting.

That friend.

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Maybe she just wants more initials after her name: PhD, HDip, ADHD.

No, I want to tell her, you’re don’t have ADHD, but maybe OCD. And, whisper it, a bit of hypochondria. Sorry about that – I know it’s not nearly as trendy.

And if she really has brilliantly masked ADHD then it’s served her very well, so she should do nothing to change it.

But who am I to question Dr Google’s diagnosis?

ADHD is the new sexy neural divergence to have if you’re an adult over 40, particularly if you’re a woman, because little girls “present differently” so historically weren’t diagnosed as readily as little boys.

Nonetheless, if you’re a hyperactive kid school still sucks.

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But for self-diagnosing adults, declaring ADHD has become like a get-out-of-jail free card for when you’re being a bit of an ass, or lazy, or bored, or failing, or talking over other people because you’ve had too much wine.

I know because I think I’ve got undiagnosed ADD too (minus the hyperactive bit).

I mean: a chatterbox, late for everything, bad with money, disorganised, daydreaming, forgetful, the queen of procrastination where every urgent deadline brings on a sudden need to reorganise my wardrobe… Yup, all part of my manifold charms.

I went online to check, but the questionnaire was 66 questions long so I got bored. I presume if you get to the end it goes: “You got through this? Definitely not ADHD.”

But the thing is surely all of us display symptoms of ADHD/ ADD/ OCD/ (insert neurosis of choice), because they’re also symptoms of being fabulously, fallibly human.