Momsie-in-law meets her match

Pity moms-in-law who traditionally have borne the brunt of jokes and jibes. I must say, the one I married into was a gracious lady and more patient with me than my mom. And she possessed an infectious sense of humour.

Evidently not all sons-in-law enjoy the same luxury. Like my journo friend Jacob. He reckons when “Momsie” (in this case, not a term of endearment) enters the front door, there’s a distinct chill in her wake. And a facial expression scaring ghosts away.

Even his wife, the daughter, is under constant scrutiny, starting in the kitchen. Momsie opens pots on the stove to inspect their contents.

“Oh no, my dear, those dumplings will turn out mush. Your dad would not have put his mouth around those”. And so it went, day in and out.

On the fourth day, respite comes in a weird form.

That night comes an ear-piercing scream from the upstairs bedroom where Momsie sleeps. Jacob has to be prodded a number of times by sweet Mary before setting off up the stairs.

The scene before him freezes him to the bone. Momsie on top of the bed, jumping up and down, howling “eek, a mouse!” There at the foot of the bed stands a giant rat, with fangs protruding, staring up at the goings-on of Momsie as if in a trance.

Jacob grabs one of Momsie’s slippers with hard heels and throws it at Mr Rat. It misses the hairy creature, but smashes into Momsie’s shin. Down she comes, landing on her knees atop the duvet. Like she was saying her prayers. Wrong. Not prayers but curses against “stupid men and horrible hairy mice”.

Jacob swears that throughout the incident, Mr Rat stands his ground, watching – with a smirk.

Anyway, next morning Momsie is packed and ready to leave “this horrible house”. What about breakfast first, Momsie? asks Jacob. “You kidding me, Mary could never boil an egg, never mind make a proper breakfast. Get me to the airport early so I can change my flight”. Jacob enthusiastically acquiesces.

What about Mr Rat?

On inspection, Jacob finds him and his family living in the rafters above Momsie’s bedroom. He leaves them in peace in case he again requires their services for the next visit.

Cliff Buchler.

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