Modern parenting has evolved into the most competitive sport on earth

When I grew up, children’s development was measured in simple terms. At age one we would walk, at two we would talk, by three we could kick a ball and by four we could catch a ball. At five we would play ring-a-ring-a-roses, hide-and-seek, rotten egg and other games.

By the age of six, we would be able to touch our left ear with our right hand with the arm going over one’s head. That was the most common measure to determine whether we were ready to start school and off we went.

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Somewhere in-between, we would learn all the colours of the rainbow, how to play snakes and ladders, how to colour in pictures of Mickey Mouse staying within the lines in the colouring-in book, and to differentiate shapes like circles, squares and triangles. At the end of Grade 1 we would read, write and count.

Our physical development was recorded on our clinic cards, with weight and height the only criteria.

Well, times have changed. Modern parenting has evolved into the most competitive sport on earth, with children being coached and pressured to reach what is now called “milestones”.

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Our little Olive is now 20 months old and every week goes to a playgroup. While we consider this a fun activity for her, some parents really do go overboard and meticulously record every detail of every milestone.

One of her playgroup friends, for example, managed to produce her first smile at the age of nine days, eight hours, 27 minutes and 33 seconds. I kid you not.

Now, being around 20 months old, she can already count to 11. She managed to count to double figures at the age of 19 months, three weeks, four days, seven hours and 12 minutes.

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I’m not sure what the objective of the playgroup is, but it’s not playing. A much better description would be a competition where the little ones count, recite rhymes, name 50 different animals, and who knows what else.

Strangely, though, our little Olive is the only one who knows what the inside of a sand box looks like…