Madiba dashes JZ’s dream

Nelson interrupts a dream Jacob is having about coming up with another move to escape court appearances.

“Jacob, Jacob, what have you done to and for the poor?

What possessed you to tread the path of the devil?

“And how come you’re able to fraternise so cosily with Christian charismatic denominations, aka happy clappers and, at the same time, rub shoulders with the unprincipled and crooked Guptas?

These are questions St Peter asked me to ask you. He’s finding the contradiction perplexing and is keeping you off his entry list.

“Even your favourite attorney, Dali Mpofu, is not fooling the old sage to grant you open sesame. He is however, giving you another chance – hence my visit to you.

“There are certain attributes you possess which the

gatekeeper appreciates. He has a sense of humour, you know. He likes your chutzpah and unique brand of singing and dancing. He reckons you’re a likeable man and, had you opted for more worthy ways, you could’ve left an honourable legacy.

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“But sadly, that’s not enough. Ask me. Even with my 27 years’ suffering on Robben Island I wasn’t allowed the God-given passport. I’ve had to learn to forgive those horrible Nats; had to talk turkey with malevolent men. And even had to share a pancake with Betsie Verwoerd. Her recipe was good, though. But Jacob, every time I did something good, I felt good. Sharing the Peace Prize with FW could’ve left me sulking, but I swallowed my pride.

“Peter suggests, firstly, you appear in court and secondly, get everything off your chest. He knows you’re not alone in the plundering, so name and shame the fraudulent fellas. Dali could even change you into a state witness – in which case you get a lighter sentence, even a full pardon.

“But – and this is important to St Peter and his department of heavenly affairs – you have to confess to your involvement, directly or indirectly, and ask for forgiveness. This act alone should edge you into the pristine precinct.

“And, what’s more, the happy clappers will give you a dignified’ Avbob funeral service.

“Heh-heh. Anyway, hamba kahle, Jacob, hope to welcome you at the gate.

“But please, yenza okufanele for a change.”