Let’s trample on some rights and ban Christmas marketing

Do we need to be confronted by Christmas in November?

Ten months may sound like sufficient time for Santa to fill his sack but you’re forgetting about Christmas in July and all the time it takes his elvish slaves to order the toys from China before wrapping them. You’ve also seen the price of petrol, so imagine the cost of reindeer diesel.

There are few times when it is reasonable to limit the freedoms of people but sometimes, when people do stupid things, it may warrant a law to prevent it: putting pickles on burgers, building a treehouse with paper or designing a microwave that beeps more than once.

Now add to that list Christmas marketing in November. I didn’t even need to wait until November to write this as the local malls started putting decorations up two weeks ago. But now I’m seeing the marketing in the national press and I’m wondering why.

Most people who buy into Christmas shopping will be parents and they still have over a month of school trips to do.

Young adults probably have 30 more hangovers to go before considering how little they have left for gifts.

Clueless but well-meaning grandparents are still overcoming the brandy pudding from last year before they decide which pair of socks to buy you.

And me? I don’t need this pressure now. None of us do. We’re struggling to decide how we’re going to spend Black Friday and now the pressure is on for Christmas? Stop!

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It’s obvious why it happens though. There are some rich people who like to start early and the sooner you market to them, the sooner they will buy. More importantly, the sooner they will buy from you and not your competitor.

So, it’s no wonder that all big stores start marketing Christmas as early as possible so that we’re attracted to them first. Either that or some marketing corporates are really sad and abusing their positions to spark some premature joy into their lives.

There are, weirdly, some instances where stepping on the rights of marketing can be a good thing. Remember when tobacco companies were allowed to advertise and we were bombarded with unrealistic associations; like how smoking would seemingly cause you to go skiing.

At least we didn’t go full America and advertise smokes on The Flintstones. When we stopped them from advertising, at least competitively, they still all levelled out and saved a bunch of money.

Don’t feel too sorry for the marketing execs. They made their money and I’m sure they came up with interesting ways to make more. The world is such a better place for it. Nobody is prevented from smoking and we don’t have to deal with obsessive marketing telling us what is lovely to inhale.

Imagine that kind of pleasure, or rather peace, when it comes to Christmas. We’re already dealing with a lot – DIY economy, effective job level surplus prevention, creatively-unqualified creative leadership, magical electricity, e-coli infused water – nobody needs the pressure to start Christmas so early.

At least put all the magic in a time when we’re forced to take our leave so we’ll actually have something to look forward to. Keep Christmas special by confining it to a special time that we can all enjoy.

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It’s one of the few times I’ll actually beg the legislature to limit some rights. Please ban Christmas marketing until December.

Nobody needs a microwave to beep twice. Nobody needs to drink a beer in the streets at 7am. Nobody needs to buy a cracker with a terrible joke, useless toy and soon to be torn paper crown in November!

Stop it! Ban it! If you don’t, in 2029, it will be December 10^th and you’ll be paying a Christmas penalty for shopping “too late” and you know what happens when Santa thinks you’re a bad child.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s one way for Eskom to get coal.