Keeping afloat in tough times

The world may be going to hell in a handcart, but life chugs on regardless, so we work, we eat, we love, we worry, we diet, we exercise – or think we should – and we wonder how other people hold it together so effortlessly.

Which is why right now I cannot get Marie Helvin out of my head. Perhaps the name rings a bell: 1970s supermodel, whip thin, long dark curls, hanging out with the Rolling Stones? The brunette to Jerry Hall’s blonde? Maybe not.

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But last year, at the age of 71, Marie Helvin – who has never stopped modelling – did a lingerie shoot, still whip thin, still with the long dark curls. This was no Woolies big knickers promo though: we’re talking suspender belts, stilettos, and tiny triangles of lace.

Down at Shady Pines in their all-forgiving velour leisure suits, they must have felt the pressure. And then there are we 40-somethings (plus VAT at 20 percent) thinking we’re doing okay, until along comes yet another stringy septuagenarian looking like us, only markedly better.

Let the self-flagellation commence. However, last week I read an interview with Marie: she has been on a maintenance diet for 55 years. She eats 1 300 calories a day, consuming her last meal – her only full meal – at 5pm.

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Now if you are a lifelong weightwatcher like I am, you’ll know that 2 000 calories are considered standard for weight maintenance for an adult, with maybe a few more for men, a few less for women.

Marie doesn’t mind starving though, she swears by it – she has to be thin to work. And she has to work. So she tucks into a single boiled egg for breakfast with a heap of vitamin tablets, and a juice of carrots, celery, apple, turmeric and ginger.

If she’s hungry later she might have “an apple or a couple of gummy bears”. Her 5pm dinner is an omelette wrapped in a tortilla, or maybe pasta. The end.

Although it’s not the end because she works out four times a week, has Botox twice a year, and she’s recovering from breast cancer, all alone. Thank you, Marie.

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As the world feels more turbulent, more insane, some may appear to stay serenely afloat. It’s good to be reminded that even the swans are paddling like crazy under the water.